Long Gone

3. Death..

My head is spinning.

Bam!

Perfect aim.

Bam!

Another Perfect aim.

Bam!

Another prefect aim.

Click. Click. Click. Click.

I am not drunk anymore. I've got perfect aim. Perhaps, I'm drunk.

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click.

"Dammit!" I muttered under my breath and threw the gun across the room. I threw it but it didn't fall. I didn't hear the voice of it falling. I looked back to see Alan holding it in his hands, with a small smile. One of his rare smiles. He barely smiled in front of people. But this smile was not genuine or happy, it was filled with pity. The pity he felt for me.

Sometimes I wish I could just shoot myself with the damn gun but then again, killing myself won't help me. I just smile back, not my real smile but the fake one. Sometimes I smile because if I didn't I know he'd ask and I wouldn't be able to explain myself. I wouldn't be able to explain the reason I've cut myself.

Sometimes I just wish I could go back to a time when I could smile and it didn't take everything in me to do it.

"Nik!" he exclaims knocking me out of my daze as he rushes to me. I just give him a blank look, the only look I didn't have to fake. I see him looking at my hand. Oh! The cut, the cut I made at the gate which I thought stopped bleeding but is still bleeding. I didn't even realize it until now. I looked at myself in the mirror opposite me, all I could see was something to get disgusted by and something to pity. The disgust with which my mother and sister look at me. The pity everyone else has in their eyes when the see me.

I'm the ugly sister. I'm the horrible daughter. I'm not even the second choice. I'm the 'leftover'. I'm not the clever one. I'm not the skinny one but the too thin one. I'm the talentless one. Hell, I'm the "Why are you even her?" one. All I could think was about horrible I am before realizing that my eyes are turning glassy.

No, you cannot cry Nik! Hold on a bit longer, just a bit. Fight back the tears; just don't let them see you cry. You know you are stronger than this. Just a bit more, you know you can do it. You've done it your whole life.

"Nik!" Al says shaking me a bit to remove me out of my daze but he's late. I'm already gone. He knows that and so do I. Maybe this is the time; maybe I'll finally let me kill myself. All I can think of is how my life will be once I end it. I won't even have one. No, I can't end it. Not before I punish the people who made me like this. The people who make me a stone. Al scoops me up in his arms and rushes me to my room. I don't even know what is happening until I a pang of pain hits through my head. I probably have a concussion.

"Sorry!" Al says still rushing. He hit my head while carrying me, just like I did with my mother. I giggle at the though and feel my head feel heavy. "DO NOT SLEEP NIKKEI! STAY AWAKE! STOP GIGGLING" he says and I continue to giggle and start drifting off to sleep but I couldn't sleep with all this shaking. I feel my head on a soft surface and smile.

"Soft!" I mumble and open my eyes a bit more to look at Al. "Let me sleep Al!" I say and try to close my eyes but Al shakes me again and again telling me to stay awake. Telling me he can't lose me. It's time, I know it is and he has to let me go. Why does he care anyways? He should probably leave like the others.

"No Al, stop worrying. I am not dying! Just let me sleep. Why do you care anyways? Why don't leave me like others did? I am nobody to give you pain. All I've done is give people pain; I don't want you to get hurt because of me. I've hurt enough people" I say with a breaking voice and teary eyes as I try to stay awake a little longer.

"The only pain you'll ever give me is if you leave me alone. I have no one else left Nik! For god's sake, why would you do this again!?" he says and I am confused. I did in front of him why would he- Wait; he isn't talking about the blood coming from my palm but the blood that has filled my jeans. The cuts! The cuts I made before I went shooting.

"I'm sorry" is all I say as I drift off to deep slumber. I don't know if I ever wake up after this but if I do I don't know what I will tell Al. What will be the reason I give him.

______

It's him again. He has come back to torture me. To add more pain in the whole jar filled with it. I don't know what to do. All I know is I want to get out of here. I want to leave. I want to run away and for once need someone to stand up for me or at least someone who would listen to me. He comes near me and I just snuggle more in the corner of the room where I'm currently sitting in.

"Please, leave me alone" I say crying silently as he continues to approach me. "MOM! Please help me mom! I promise I'll be a good girl" seven year old me says. This was my punishment and I didn't like it. Obviously punishments are supposed to be bad but this was the worse. He keeps coming closer, closer. I was ready to attack him but he speaks.

"You know what will happen if you hit me or hurt me" he says with a smirk plastered on his face that I would very much like to wipe off. I close my eyes shut as he lifts me up and lays me on the bed as I curl up into a ball. He starts touching ma and I try my best to push him but he ties my hands and legs.

"No! Please!" I cry, shout, hoping someone would hear me or my mother would help me.

"Please! Don't! No!"

"NO!" I scream at the top of my lungs and open my eyes to see Al beside me, trying to calm me down. It didn't help I kept on crying and snuggling closer to Al as he mumbled some smoothing words into my ears.

"Al, it was him, he was here again. He was trying to do those things to me again!" I shout, still crying as Al 'shhh's me and I try to calm down and I see my hands and legs with bandages. We just lay there for a moment, my sniffles the only sound along with our breaths.

"Don't leave me Al! Please don't give up on me ever." I say and close my eyes as he closes his. I snuggle up closer to him.

"Never." He says and starts singing 'our song' as I fall into deep slumber yet again. My last thoughts were to sleep in this peace forever. To never wake up again. It was the only thing I wished for lately.

I wished to be dead.

******
Hey guysss..... Early update!! I love you all pease vote and comment..

P.S. happie birthday to my best friend in the world!!! This chapter is dedicated to you although I wrote it a week ago. ♥
hugsandshrugs