Queen of my Heart

39

THE LADS WERE GAPING AT ME.

Finally, after a solid minute, Mark screamed, “You're leaving again?”

On instinct, I looked out for bystanders, but thankfully the parking lot was empty. When I returned to the hospital a few minutes ago, I found Shane's family with the lads. There was his mother, and of course, Granny. I was more than thrilled to see Granny, but shame colored my cheeks as I gave her a hug and a brief explanation to where I've been.

I knew I should've told her everything. I owed her the truth. After all, she raised me and gave me the life I didn't deserve to have. Growing up with addicts, I thought I would end up dealing with drugs and being an alcoholic myself. But Granny found me, and now I repayed her by hiding my problems and completely taking her out of the picture.

Way to go, Juliet.

To make matters worst, Granny wasn't mad. She was broken-hearted. How many in the world had a guardian or parent who didn't scold their children for leaving the country and staying with strangers? Not much, eh?

“What's happening, love?” I couldn't stomach looking at Bryan. The hurt was already obvious in his words. Of course I didn't tell him beforehand about my decision, considering I just made said decision at the park earlier.

I really had a way to stress people out.

“I—” Taking a deep breath, I met his gaze head-on. “It's for the best.” I almost took back what I said. Bryan looked so sad. Bis shoulders slumped, his eyes downcast, a deep frown etched into his forehead.

Nicky piped in. “How is hurting us all over again for the best?”

I flinched at his question. He was right, but was it my responsibility to stay with them?  “I know that all I've been doing is think about myself. I know you hate me—” I shook my head at Mark, who opened his mouth to protest, “—and you might not feel it right now, but I know deep down you hold grudges against me. And that's all right. Why shouldn't you? All I've done is ruin your friendship. I'm sorry for intruding your lives without permission. I'm sorry for everything.”

Bryan reached for my hand, which I begrudgingly gave. “Why now? We just returned.”

Squeezing his hand, I let it go. “It's my fault Shane was hurt, and now that Gillian's in a mental institution, I think all will return to normal. Except for one thing.” I faced the lads. “If Gillian is gone, I need to go, too.”

“Why would you leave us? We're not pushing you away!” Nicky ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

“It's not about you anymore, Nicky.” I blinked my tears away. I've never thought leaving your friends was like breaking up with a boyfriend. “It's my life, and I need to be away.” I met Bryan's pleading eyes. “From all of you.”

Mark was crying. “Juliet, please think about this. Shane's hurt, and now we have to cope with the fact that you're leaving again.”

“I'm sorry,” I whispered, letting a tear roll down my cheek. “I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. I can't be with you lads, knowing how much I've hurt you. Knowing what I can do.” I stared at my hands, which will be forever stained with red in my eyes. “Just let me go. Please. You don't have to accept it, but you have to give me the space I want and need. I'm not asking for permission—I'm saying goodbye.” I raised my gaze. “So farewell.”

Silence fell. Again, countless thoughts plagued my mind. Truthfully, my heart ached with the thought of leaving them all behind. The first time around was easier, because there were bitter feelings involved. Now it was so difficult. I didn't want to be selfish, but there was no other way. If I would begin again, I needed to leave my past behind. All of them.