LEMONADE :: ZAYN

anger

If this what you truly want. I can wear her skin over mine. Her hair, over mine, her hands as gloves, her teeth as confetti, her scalp a cap, her sternum, my bedazzled cane. We can pose for a photograph, all three of us, immortalized.

You and your perfect girl....

Why can't you see me?

Everyone else can.

°°°

She came home from Zayn's office and wiped her eyes, closing the door behind her and calling out to Dana and Amal. When she got no answer, she went in the kitchen to find a note on the counter.

Took Amal with me to mine. Don't do anything crazy and call me if you need me. Dana xx

Gizelle looked around, noticing how dirty this place seemed to her. Nothing was the same and dishes were out of place. She always liked to keep a nice home so she just decided to let her anger out and...clean.

Never had she been this angry at Zayn. Never had she been this heartbroken from Zayn. Never had she been so...confused. like, what did that girl have that she didn't? She wasn't that cute and...no. Gizelle was way better than that, she knew.

But if it wasn't physically, then what was it? Did she not appreciate him enough? Was she too needy or did she not care enough? And when was his 'weakest moment"?

Gizelle let more tears fall, more than what she did in the car on the way home. She wasn't crying because she was sad, she cried out of frustration because, what was she missing from this?

She just continued to was dishes, the soapy water mixing with her salty tears.

"What the fuck?" Gizelle used her arm and wiped her tears, draining the sink and rinsing it out. She was loading the dishes in the dishwasher -- she liked it to be extra clean -- as the front door opened.

"Zelle--"

"Don't call me that," she said, not even looking at him.

"I swear I didn't mean to--"

"Shut up!" her reflexes got the best of her and she threw a plate at him. He dodged it and it hit the wall and shattered to pieces.

"Babe, please calm down, please--"

"Calm down?" she exclaimed, finally glancing at him. All she saw was his frightened expression and her sight was obscured. She saw red and got even more mad. "You tell me to calm down and I'm the one being cheated on? You were chilling with another bitch this whole time and I'm cleaning up after you and taking care of our baby and going to work almost every day to top it off and you tell me to calm down?"

She threw another plate and it hit another wall.

"For better or for worse, Zayn!"she kept throwing stuff at him and hoped it hit him but he was too fast, "you ain't married to no average bitch, boy! Me! You won't find another like me, I was the best thing you ever had and as soon as I'm gone, you won't have shit to be proud of."

"Yo, chill out!" he yelled desperately, dodging yet another knife that ended up sticking to the wall. He backed up into the living room falling back as Gizelle followed, throwing another knife at him. It hit his hand and he hissed, feeling the cut spread across his palm. "Zelle!"

"Stop calling me that!" she yelled above him, "you're so lucky I ran out of shit to throw at you."

Zayn slowly got up, careful of his hand.

"So what is it about me that you don't like anymore?" Gizelle continued to ask, "what changed over the time we've known each other to make you feel this way?"

"Nothing, it was just," he looked down, "I don't know, Gizelle."

"You're an idiot," she said again, "do you know how fine I am?"

"Yeah--"

"Apparently not if you cheat on me. With a white girl. I can get any fucking man I want and for some reason I chose you. You. People wanted me in college, they wanted me in high school. But I chose you. You were mine."

"You're still mine," he whispered.

"Apparently not," she snapped, walking away from him, "I ain't shit. Am I?"

"You--"

"Shut up," she was halfway up the stairs, looking at the pictures of when they took pictures with a newborn Amal, "does this mean anything to you?"

"Yes, don't--"

She threw it on the ground.

"Dude, stop!" Zayn held her wrists above her head but she wasn't having it. Gizelle kneed him in his groin and he bent over, groaning at the impact. "Fuck."

"I'm better than any bitch you will ever fuck!" Gizelle stood at the top of the stairs and looked down at him, "I knew something was up months ago when we went to your little business ball and you wanted me to shut up most of the night. You acted different, and made me act different. You tried to change me, but I'm not changing, not for the likes of you."

She huffed and pulled her wedding ring off her finger, throwing it hard down at his feet.

That was when he broke.

"Gizelle, please," he cried, "I'm sorry I fucked up, I'm so sorry, she didn't mean anything to me but you...you and Amal are everything and I'm sorry it--"

"Would you like me better if I was white?"

"What? No--"

"If I was a white girl with limp, blond hair and porcelain white toilet skin?" she threw another picture of them on their wedding day down the stairs, watching it shatter at his feet, "oh, I need her thin figure and her beautiful lice filled hair and narrow cheeks? Am I not good enough for you, Zayn?"

"Gizelle--"

"Shut up, for the last time," she groaned, leaning against the wall and yanking down more pictures down, "you don't realize the mess you've made. When you hurt me, you hurt yourself. I hope you feel the same way I feel when I leave--"

"No, you can't!"

"Yes I can. I do what I want," Gizelle turned around and walked into their room, pulling out a suitcase from the closed and beginning to pack clothes. Zayn dumped her suitcase and pushed it off the bed.

"You can't leave me, I need you--"

"No you don't," she yelled in his face, "get off of me!"

"No," he stopped her from walking out the door, "you can't do this to me."

"Zayn--"

"You can't. I promise to be better, but you can't leave me. Where will you go?"

"Anywhere but here."

°°°

DON'T HURT YOURSELF

[TONIGHT IM FUCKIN UP ALL YO SHIT BOY]