LEMONADE :: ZAYN

accountability

Mother dearest let me inherit the Earth. Teach me how to make him beg. Let me make up for the years he made you wait. Did he bend your reflection? Did he make you forget your own name? Did he convince you he was a god? Did you get on your knees daily? Do his eyes close like doors? Are you a slave to the back of his hand?

Am I talking about your husband or your father?

°°°

She needed an opinion, so who better than her parents?

Her mother was more a confidant than anything else.

"So, he cheated on you, you left, and now you're confused as to whether or not you should give him the time of day anymore?" her mom asked again, trying to get the story right.

"Yes, mom," Gizelle sighed, looking down at her fingers. This was the first day in weeks where she wasn't so deep in work up to her elbows. Zayn had Amal again and he was supposed to take her to the doctor for a check up. They liked to be extra safe.

"Sounds familiar," she grumbled, looking at her husband, "doesn't it, Kurt?"

"Ah, not this again," her dad rolled his eyes and folded his large arms, "it was fifteen years ago, Janine."

Gizelle's mother scoffed, looking back at her daughter. "You 'member when we almost got a divorce and I didn't tell you why because you were too young? It was his fault."

"What?" she said, "really, dad?"

Kurt didn't look at his daughter. Their relationship wasn't the best sometimes, mostly because Kurt wasn't an affectionate father and Gizelle was a needy and family oriented person. She loved her parents but during her teenage years, she hated her dad more than anything. He didn't let her go out, didn't like her friends, and expected the best out of her at all times. He was pushy but claimed it was out of love.

(He didn't even walk her down the aisle at her wedding. Yaser did.)

They loved each other, but disagreements always got in the way.

"You cheated on momma?" she questioned with a frown, "that's what happened?"

"Yep."

"You sound like you don't care."

"Not anymore, Gizelle," she hated how he said her name, "it was so long ago and I don't think about it anymore because we're past that."

"Anyway," Janine said, "he cheated on me, yes, but we've been married for too long to let it get to us and I was passive aggressive on the whole thing. We're old school women, we make sure if our men ever cheat we make them wish they didn't. I gave him hell. Burned all his clothes, shaved his head while he slept, ran the battery in his car so he couldn't go anywhere for months. Your uncles beat him up enough of times--"

"I was living a nightmare," Kurt interrupted, "I came back to her mother's house grovelling at her feet and asking for forgiveness. I got it, but she still gave me hell some days. Just like now."

"What I do now?"

"Bring it back up, that's what you did." He huffed.

"I'm just saying, Gizzy, if you forgive him it won't be the same for a while, but eventually he'll show you instead of tell you how sorry he is. You begin to trust again and pretty soon, you're back. You'll worry sometimes but if he's gonna do what he says, you don't have to. It's all about trust."

Gizelle talked to her parents for a little longer before she left. Her father barely looked at her but she was used to it.

"I'll see you later, okay?" Janine kissed her cheek, "just remember what I said. Plus, Zayn seems like a good guy, so. Just listen and wait."

"Wait?"

"Wait for him to change for the better."

°°°

"Another case of niggas ain't shit," Dana shook her head while cutting onions.

Gizelle looked down at her fingers, looking at the space where her wedding ring was missing. She wondered where it was.

"Who's side are you on, Dana?" she asked suddenly, feeling like Dana was flip flopping on her too much. One minute, she was ready to fuck shit up then the next was was defending Zayn.

"Yours. As always," she replied calmly, "but you know I'm always a voice of reason. Just like when you kept Amal from him for two weeks what did I say? That was trifling and you know it--"

"Okay, okay!" she looked away and pouted, "I get it. I just...don't know what to do."

"Hey, G," Dana said softly, watching her best friend bite her lip, "baby girl, I know this is hard--"

"Everyone is making it worse!" she exclaimed, "my parents are an example of love that lasts but then again, it's hard to find someone genuine nowadays and you're right. Niggas ain't shit."

"You said nowadays. When did you actually know about Zayn?"

"Like," she sniffled, "we were in middle school."

"People were pretty genuine back in middle school. You had to be, or you were a loser or even worse. Ugly. And Zayn wasn't ugly."

"Okay. But, he was actually a little ugly," she said, squinting her eyes, "just a little. His hair was weird."

Dana laughed. "G, please, you're killing me."

"So, what do I do? I mean, I love this man so much, Dana. You know this. But, he did me so dirty I don't want the same thing happening again."

"What did your mom say? Let him show you? If he's willing to make it work he has to have some self control for once. It shouldn't be that hard because you're fine as fuck."

"I know," she groaned, "but will I look stupid if I take him back? Will...I feel like I'd look stupid."

"Who else knows about this?"

"You. My parents, probably his parents. Maybe a few people in the parking lot that day."

"A bunch of nobodies," she shrugged, "it all depends on you. How would you feel taking him back?"

"I'd be taking a risk because if he does it again I'll go to jail for homicide. I will. I'll be the crazy wife with the beat face in the mugshots. You'll know I did it and you'll know that I wanted to do it."

"You're funny when you're under duress."

°°°

DADDY LESSONS

MY DADDY SAID SHOOT

p.s. Zayn's doc is prolly eight inches when soft but ten hard. I can tell. also, that's it