apathy

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So what are you gonna say at my funeral now that you've killed me?

Here lies the body of the love of my life, whose heart I broke without a gun to my head. Here lies the mother of my children both living and dead, Rest in peace my true love, who I took for granted, most bomb pussy, who because of me, sleep evaded. Her shroud is loneliness, her God is listening. Her heaven would be a love without betrayal.

Ashes to ashes, dust to side chicks

°°°







She hadn't forgiven him.

Gizelle's anger died down as the weeks went by. She was still in their shared home but Zayn was in the guest room. They hadn't spoken much since the altercation and no one bothered to. Amal was still giggly around them both, bringing smiles to the parent's faces. They loved their child, and each other still, but it was tough.

It was almost midnight and Gizelle hadn't heard Zayn come in yet. He'd been doing good so far with coming back home at a reasonable time, but right now she was skeptical.

Did he think she'd forget the reason why they were separated? So quickly?

He texted her early saying he'd be back at ten thirty but it'd been way past that time and she was no longer in the mood to hear what he had to say when he came back.

If he came back.

Gizelle sat up in the bed, running a hand over her face and looking around the bedroom.

She decided to leave. Leave and take her baby with her. If Zayn wasn't going to change nor tell the truth then what was the use of trying to make it work? She loved him so much, even after all of this, but it was hard to stay for a person who wasn't willing to change for the better.

She got out her suitcase yet again and put it on the bed. She didn't care what was going in it, she just knew she was leaving with her precious baby who mattered to her more than anything.

Gizelle went in the other room after her suitcase was packed and in the car. She got a sleeping Amal out of the crib and walked downstairs into the kitchen. A quick note was written and tacked on the fridge before she left the house.

When you start telling the truth, come find me.








°°°








"Just like that? You just left?"

Gizelle put her hand to her forehead and sighed for the tenth time. She was trying to tell Dana why she left, and maybe Dana wouldn't understand, but she still didn't care about Zayn's feelings.

She didn't care about Zayn.

"How can you do that?" Dana asked, "you...Zelle, you two have a baby together. You can't just not tell him where his child is you know that? He's probably freaking out."

"He is," she swirled her seventh glass of wine around and looked at the red liquid. Wine was her favorite.

"Well, how do you know?"

"He's left me voicemails and text messages," she shrugged, "think he was crying and stuff, I wasn't paying attention."

"No, no!" Dana got up and stood in front of her best friend, "Gizelle, listen to me. That man loves you and I know you're hurt but you can't leave him hanging like this. He's worried sick--"

"And? He didn't give a fuck about me. Why should I care about him?"

"Because you basically took Amal away from him and that makes him even more worried."

"I can do this by myself. He thinks I'm so weak but if he was smart he'd know where I was."

"G!" Dana groaned, "that's not the fucking point! Your husband actually cares about you and you care for him--"

"Not at the moment, no," she said indifferently.

"Listen, have you even reached for any type of divorce papers?"

"...no."

"Tell him where you are or I will," she snapped, "I'm not condoning this and it makes me sick that you don't care."

Gizelle rolled her eyes, not realizing how damaged Zayn might be about this. He was probably breaking down from panicking, something he did do sometimes.

She still didn't care. Why should she?

"Give me your phone."

Gizelle gave Dana the phone with no question. She put her head on the table as Dana listened to the many voicemails Zayn left.

"Zelle," he cried, "I swear I'd be better if I just knew if you were okay. You and Amal. Please, call, text me, whatever. Just tell me you're okay, please. I love you and I'm so sorry. I promise you, on God, I wasn't with anyone tonight. I was working with my employees on a lawsuit. I'm in deep shit with my company and you and I swore I wouldn't cheat again," Zayn hiccuped at least seven times while he spoke. Dana was close to crying herself and Gizelle looked at her quizzically.

She didn't remember this voicemail.

"Please, baby," he sniffled again, "please just let me know your okay. That's all I care about right now, don't talk to me, whatever. Just let me know you're fine and my baby's fine. I love you, bye."

The voicemail ended and Gizelle sat up, her mind a little fuzzy from the wine but she got the gist.

"See what you're doing?" Dana said, "please, just let him know, G."

She handed the phone back and Gizelle took it, looking at the previous texts from her husband.

zayn🔑: please tell me you're okay

zayn🔑: gizelle please. I promise I'll leave you alone if you just let me know. I'm sorry

zayn🔑: I wasn't with anyone tonight, I swear.

zayn🔑: baby, where are you

zayn🔑: you're driving me crazy I said I wasn't going to fuck around again and you leave with no explanation. I'm sorry I know we're trying to work things out and maybe I fucked up by not texting you to tell you how late I was

zayn🔑: please...

A new message popped up, one that almost broke Gizelle's heart.

zayn🔑: baby, I can't live without you. I need you and it's tearing me to shreds that I hurt you so bad. please...please please let me know you're okay.

Almost.

Gizelle bit her lip and refrained from crying as her thumbs hovered over the keyboard.

zelle💣🐚: if you need someone, you better call becky with the good hair. Don't come to me







°°°

SORRY

I AINT SORRY

NIGGA, NAH

...

SUCK ON MY BALLS PAUSE

(I love that part)

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