Disasterology

It's Been Awhile

Six months  without Ashley. Six months without waking up to her face and hearing the kids run around the house. I don't get to see them and barely getting to talk to them isn't helping either. 

I miss my girls so much. I think about them everyday and sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. Right now we're headed to Houston, Texas to play one of the biggest shows we've had so far on tour but I don't know if I can take it. 

"HEY TONY" 

I sighed and got up from the couch in the back area of the tour bus and went up to the front with the rest of the band.

"There's Turtle! What's up man, you've been hiding in your shell lately" 

I just shrugged my shoulders and sat down in between Vic and Jaime.

"Tony there's something wrong with you man. You haven't been yourself lately so what's going on?"

This is it. Now is my time to tell them I want to quit the band so I can be home with my family and not feel so empty about it. I looked around and all three of them were staring at me. I looked down at my hands that were resting in my lap before closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

I opened my eye again and looked at my three best friends and my brothers for life. They all looked concerned.

"I just feel empty" I started out.

"I feel numb like I'm nothing. I miss them so much you guys. My family is stuck at home while I'm out touring. I love it don't get me wrong, but I can't take it anymore. I feel so lost without them it isn't even funny and I don't know how to control my emotions anymore. Sometimes I don't want to come out of the bunk and I just want to sleep until everything is over and even though I know I can't do that I wish that I could because at least I'm with my girls in my dreams and I can't do it anymore you guys. I can't keep waking up without Ashley it's too hard for me to do and I don't want to do it anymore. I won't" 

I didn't know I was holding that much in and I'm sure none of it made sense to the boys because I was rambling and talking too fast but I had got out what was weighing on my shoulders for the past six months and I felt a little bit better, but no matter how much talking I did, it didn't fill the hole in my chest. Not like Ashley could god I missed her so much.

"Tony it'll be okay" Vic said

"Yeah. We all know it's hard to be away from our families and no one said that it would be easy but Tony this is the life we chose. We all wanted this and we got our dream to come true. This is all that any of us had ever wanted. I know it's hard but you just have to push through it" Jaime said

"What if I don't want to push through it?'

"What do you mean Tony?"

"I mean I want to quit the band"

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oooooo Tony is gonna leave the band???????? 

SOTC: Please Don't Go by Joel Adams

P.S. Should I start doing a question of the day along with the song of the chapter thing? Lemme know in the comments, bye love bugs xx