Truth

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Truth is right now I'm a 15 year old girl who unexpectedly lost her mother, who is trying to stay strong for her dad and who wants to make her mum proud. I want to be a good person and a good daughter, I want the stay strong and go on as my mum would have wanted me to do. She would have wanted me to carry on as I was singing, taking part in my drama groups, keep on writing this book I vowed to finish. I don't think I can be that person though. I'm angry and needy all wrapped up into one and I sometimes snap and take it out on those around me including shouting at my heartbroken widower of a father. I have all but given up on school, I really have stopped caring what grades I get. Music doesn't seem as sweet without her and my emotions are too raw to try and push them in to the mould of a character. The truth is right now I can write this book, I don't know if I could ever could. I feel as if the story that I had written in my head of how my life was gunna be was put into a book and half of it has been ripped out and thrown away. Now I am left wondering where the story ends, where to go from here. It's so unfair that just as I felt my mum and I were gaining a mutual understanding of each other she was stolen from me. I feel cheated. It's kind of i on if that I was writing about a girl who had lost her mum only to discover the reality is do much worse. I'm sorry mum I can't live up to what you you hoped. I've let myself, anyone who likes this book, my dad and worst of all my mum down.

I'm sorry,
Lucy x

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