A Guide To Becoming A Teenage Hipster

Step [5]: Wanna Be A Hipster? Be Mainstream

CHAPTER FIVE: BUZZ CUT SEASON

    YOU WOULD THINK that while I'm stuck outside a raging college party, in one of Winthrop's largest clubs, or, as the college likes to refer to as - ' the meeting place'- with one drunk guy lying in a heap on a gravel road in front of me, and another blonde baboon- who by the way, is also drunk- that I would remember the fact that Tyler drove to the party.

    Well no. I do not remember. It's only when I'm half heaving Tyler's drunk ass across town with Blondie, that I do remember.

    Nice one, Cinta. Nice one.

***

    "Ugh! Finally." Blondie says, as he pushes the rest of Tyler's dangling legs into the tiny backseat of the Beemer. Sports cars really do not accommodate space in backseats well, do they.

    "Thanks so much." I say, smiling sheepishly at Blondie, feeling a bit embarrassed that I have probably ruined the guy's night. It was hot, and I was already covered in a sheen of sweat. Blondie had intense sweat puddles, that can be visibly seen in his light blue shirt, and he just looked hot, bothered and pissed off. Not to mention the fact that he was just starting to come into his hangover.

    "Whatever dude. I hope I never see you again." He mumbles, holding his head.

    And that's the cue for the hangover headache to set in, ladies and gentleman.

    "Thanks so much, buddy!" I shout, as I watch him walk away, swaying slightly. I jump into the drivers seat of the Beemer, which by the way is already unlocked since Tyler is in the car; and the keys were in his pocket.

    Automatic unlocking was by far the best thing ever.

    Remembering which button to press in order to start the engine, I switch on the car and test all the buttons and levers popping out of the steering wheel. Dada had taught me how to drive last year, but that was on a old truck that he had, which was nothing compared to the fancy sports car I am about to drive.

    Finally getting comfortable to some extent about the gears, I take off slowly. Very slowly. Thank the lord it was almost two in the morning, because the roads are deserted.

    I drive for an hour. Tyler's apartment is a fifteen minute drive from The Commons, but I'm unfamiliar with this part of town.

    If only I could magically arrive at a destination.

    So, after turning into a few scary alleyways that made me lock the doors, reversing into driveways, and stopping and staring at street signs that could barely be seen in the moonlight- I mean seriously, invest in some street lights, government- I finally make it home. I eat some ham since there was nothing in the fridge, and change into an old tee and snuggle up in my fabulous new bed.

    Oh and Tyler? He's still in the car.

    Have fun, sleeping there buddy. Hope that hangover with an extra topping of a back ache will do you good tomorrow.

***

Dear Jacinta,

Below you will find Tyler's swim schedule. I expect you to abide by it, like its your bible. It is the only reason that you are in college right now. His schedule is categorized by months. I have only sent you the schedule for the first month, and will continue sending them to you, one at a time.

As you may know already, Tyler is well known for his swimming abilities, and although I let the child run circles around me, I do expect only one thing from him. And that is to succeed in this god-gifted talent that he has. In past years when Tyler had chosen his swim assistants, they hardly helped him a tall . They were merely there for his amusement, and I would turn a blind eye towards it. He was in high school then but college is a whole different ball game. The pressure to succeed is on him, and I expect you to help him maintain and stick to the rigid and vigorous schedule I have created.