A Guide To Becoming A Teenage Hipster

Step [12]: Lana or Lorde?

CHAPTER TWELVE: STILL SANE

    HAVE YOU EVER felt that feeling where you’re in a room and you feel like its closing up on you? Where the walls keep shrinking until its crushing your body together, breaking your bones and squishing your heart. Where you feel like your whole world has just collapsed and you feel the most horrible pain you've ever felt. I was feeling that. I am feeling that.

    He’s kissing her.

    I finally met her. After so long thinking she was a guy, she proved to be the greatest surprise after all. She’s here, standing no less that ten feet away from me, her long alabaster arms wrapped around his neck and her red hair twisted into an effortless bun. Her cream dress swayed as she rocked slightly with his body, her red lips entwined with his. My Tyler. 

    She was kissing my Tyler.

    It has been two months since the incident, and its finally the last day of the semester. The night that Winthrop holds they’re annual ball. I wasn’t going to go, I was going to spend the night at home, eating popcorn and watching reruns of Gossip Girl. But I had come. I had made a stupid last minute decision, spend $40 on a rented second hand dress so I could turn up to this ball, and hopefully he would see me and realize I was the one. Just like any typical Cinderella scene. Ah, but alas I had forgotten how harsh life treats you. Four months of living the life of Tyler Waterford, I had forgotten how bad life actually is. These luxuries had blurred my sharp edges, made them fuzzy and made me oblivious to what life actually is. Made me forget. 

    Now I remember. And this time, I wont forget.

    “Jacinta?” I hear a voice behind me, but I don’t turn. What does he want? He hadn't spoken to me in three and a half months. “Are you alright?” He persists, and I feel his hand touch my elbow.

    “No.” I hear myself whisper, staring at them. Tyler and her. I had seen her around campus, glimpsing her red hair when I was on my way to class. I had always thought she was beautiful, but never jealous. Never jealous, until tonight.

    “Her name’s Laura.” He says, his voice closer this time, his breath now tickling my ear. I continue to watch them, dancing in the ballroom filled with gold balloons. Popped streamers lay at they're feet and even though there are more than 300 people in the room, its like they're the only ones. “Do you know who she is?” He asks again. 

    Yes I know who she is. I finally knew, after all this time. “The fourth swimmer”.

    “Are you in love with him?” He asks again, and now I wish him to stop. I want him to stop and I want to get out of here. I want to leave and run back home. To my dad, to the skirts where I belong. 

    “Yes”. I hear myself say, and again I question myself as to why I’m bothering to answer Patrick. Why was he here? Of all times, why was he here at this moment? 

    His hands are on my waist now, his fingers wrap across the blue silk of my dress, but it has no effect on me. My mind is still on Tyler. How silly of me to think he would want to be with me. Would forgive me. It had been two months, and he had obviously moved on. I hadn’t. 

    “Jacinta, look at me.” Patrick murmurs, turning me around gently, his blue eyes now staring intently into my grey, tear filled ones. He see’s them, his eyes showing me all the emotions he was feeling. He was pitying me, and for once in my life, I wanted his sympathy. I needed him, someone, anyone. 

    I hear the song come on, it vibrated across the ballroom, the glittering chandeliers swaying slightly to the beat. ‘White Teeth Teens’ by Lorde. I wasn’t a fan of her, but this song was like a trance, hypnotizing. His hands pull me close as he sways to the tune of her voice. He lifts his hand and gentle encourages my head onto his shoulder as his voice cooed soothing nothings into my ear. And its only when he says that its okay for me to cry, do I let the tears fall. I was crying, washing out Tyler out of my system, out of my life.