A Guide To Becoming A Teenage Hipster

Step [1]: Minimal Online Responses

CHAPTER ONE: I GUESS YOUR LUCKY ITS DARK NOW

 "OI, EDWARD."

"Hey, Edward, you there?"

"Eddie, Eddie, Edward"

“Good lord, why are you calling me that?!" He asks, as frustration lead him to pull and tug at the black onesie he was wearing. He, honest to god, looked like a wannabe ninja. All he needed was a mask and he was good to go. "My name is not Edward, woman!"

"You look like an Edward to me, bro." I reply casually,  watching as the guy pulls and smoothes his hair back in frustration.

Oh the satisfaction of pissing off  a rich boy.

"I'm done talking to an insolent, uncivilised, trashy bitch like you.” He grunts, as he tucks his head between his knees and wraps his arms around himself, locking himself in a cannonball position. We are both on the floor of the square, clean, prison cell, leaning against the cold cement walls. Me, with my arms and legs outstretched like a giraffe, getting in the most comfortable position possible and him, well, looking like he was about to jump straight into a pool.

"Which one do you like better? Eddie or Edward?" I ask him, ignoring his flying insults at me. I’ve heard worse and these were practically music to my ears.

"Neither!" He groans, his voice muffled, as he pulls at his brown hair again while rocking back and forth slightly on his bum. His black onesie is stretched over his long body and the thin, stretchy material accentuates his skinniness and lack of bulk. I watch him slightly amused, actually no, thoroughly amused at his fruitless attempts to stop me from bullying him. The boy, or more or less, adolescent man, who was locked in a fetus position was obviously feeling intimidated by me, hence the nervous hair stroking and childish rocking. It was fascinating to know that I had such an effect on this person, and to be perfectly honest, I was loving every single moment of it. It was like I was getting some sort of childish joy and amusement, but not in an evil sort of way. Mostly I just wanted to tease him and make him squirm but I was doing so with the best intentions at heart. I hardly think that makes any sense, but I might as well continue to bully him a little bit more. I bet that I would earn a dollar for every time he got bullied and I would be dirt poor because he certainly did not look to be a victim. But hey, theres always room for change, right?  

"I thought you said you’re done talking to me...Edward." I smirk, amusement lacing my voice.

“You are so fucking annoying!” 

 Victory! She shoots, it flies, she scores! Yeah buddy.

"Wow, you must get bullied a lot in school, man" I tease, shaking my head in mock sympathy. "Life must be just so tough for you."

The guy just flicks his middle finger up at me, while remaining in a fetal position causing me to snort out in laughter, which embarrassingly escalates to full blown hysterics. It took me about two seconds to start clapping my hands and rocking back and forth in silent laughter, and then about ten seconds for the first loud snort to emerge out of my mouth. The adolescent man in the black onesie looks up at me at the sound, his glare icy. I manage to get a good look at him through my fit of laughter and  his face which was contorted into a look of pure and painful constipation only made my sporadic snorts louder and more intense. How embarrassing!

His icy stare melts into a slight smile in a  few seconds as he shakes his head at me; the retarded snorting seal.

"You really are something else" He concludes monotonously, as he gazes at me in freakish wonderment. 

 Yes Edward, yes I am.