A Guide To Becoming A Teenage Hipster

Sadness

BEFORE YOU START READING, PLEASE LISTENING TO 1975'S SONG 'SEX' AS YOU READ. THANKYOU.

"You guys know each other?" Audrey asked as her dark brown eyes slanted slightly.

I had looked at Tyler then and back at Audrey , my mind completely blank, my heart racing. I could feel my brow starting to build a sweat and what seemed like hours were only seconds before Tyler responded to Audrey with a smile; "We were friends in college."

Friends? Really Tyler? Was that all that we were? All that sexual tension, all those secret smiles and those loving acts we did for each other that were always covered up with sarcastic comments and snarky remarks. Were we really just friends?

I remained mute, my voice unable to create words, and sipped on my champagne as I tried my best to not think about the man who stood next to me. Audrey, being the soul sister that she was could tell how uncomfortable I was. She was talking to Tyler about his swimming trial's that were about to commence, but her eyes kept glancing to mine, asking me the question which I really didn't know myself- 'Are you okay?'.

I think maybe it was his smell that hit me the most. Probably was what made me the saddest. The fact that I couldn't turn to him and tease him in the way I could have years ago, affected me more than I thought it would. While Tyler and Ivanka chatted with Audrey, my brain decided to time travel back in time to my time spent with him. Maybe it was that sense of nostalgia that impacted my senses so much, that caused me to do it.

I sit on my couch now, cradling a glass of red wide. Makeup still on, heels still on, dress still on. The only thing that's not on is my head because I feel completely out of control. I feel like a train wreck, which is shocking for me. I am a grown adult woman. A feminist god dammit, and I hated the fact that a man could have such an impact on me.

I couldn't muster the strength to say a word to him after my snarky remark. We avoided each other the whole night, but I was constantly looking for him, watching him out of the corner of my eye. He looked so happy, and his life seemed to be completely how he wanted it to be. He seemed happy with a life that did not include me and for some reason it caused my heart to ache. Looking at him now, he looked more of a stranger than the boy who used to let me sleep in his room when I had nightmares. He was out of my league, and the goddess hanging off his arm reminded me of that.

It's funny how everyone idolizes this whole symbol of love. I think love sucks. It is one of the most painful things I have experienced. I feel overwhelmingly rejected and all those feelings, which I felt after that ball, come headlong towards me like a truck.

I crawl into bed with my makeup up on, dress on and a bottle of wine in my hand. My memory flashes back to a swim practice I had with him.

I had been sitting on the edge of the pool, my legs dangling into the water, as usual mesmerized by his agile body cutting through the water smoothly. He finished him lap and swam to the lane, which I was sitting, his head appearing between my feet. Wiping his face he had grabbed my toe and pinched it making me scream and curse at him. I had kicked him in the shoulder gently, but had still kept my toe there just in case he did it again, because in all honestly I hadn't minded it at all.

Back to reality, sitting in bed I take a gulp of wine and light a cigarette, which I keep in my nightstand for emergency situations. This was an emergency situation.

Taking a long drag and keeping the smoke in my lungs for as long as I could handle, I feel some satisfaction feeling that heat and burn. I think the reason why Tyler caused me so much pain was because my love for him was so intense. It wasn't a gradual process. One day I'm wishing I could shoot the guy and the next day I wake up and feel like a self conscious, love struck baboon in front of him.

That love hurts the most. God how badly I just want to run my hands through his hair. Gulp of wine. Feel his soft fingers through mine. Gulp of wine. How much I wanted to breath in that chlorine smells again, while listening to his steady breathing while I fall asleep.

My cheeks are wet, and I feel pathetic and drunk. Here I am, a woman in her mid twenties crying over a guy who rejected her in college. I drop the bottle of wine, not bothering that It spilled over the floor and wrap myself in my sheets. I did not want to care about anything I just wanted to sleep. I never want to see Tyler again. I never want to feel like this again.

Sleep came easily. My dreams were a muddled mess of memories with Tyler. But that's all that they were now. Memories.

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A/N: Hi everyone. This update is very emotional for me to write.

As you know  Jacinta is a character which reflects me in many, many ways and right now I am going through a similar situation as her. Everything I wrote in this chapter, I am feeling in real life. This is raw, unedited feeling's in digital format. I am feeling completely down in the dumps right now and all I could say is that love fucking sucks.

Sorry this chapter was short, it probably sucked and made you depressed too but this is my story and Jacinta is me in a way and this is how I feel right now.

Take Care guys, hope you all know how much I love you all.