Truly Yours | J. Cole

Truly Yours 16

I could tell by Christina's facial expression that she was scared about what the next words from my mouth was going to be. And honestly, I don't even know how she would feel about the news. The news wasn't as bad as you might think it is, but it's not necessarily good news either.

"They don't know yet," I sighed.

She looked at me with an expression of confusion on her face. It was silent for a minute as she looked as if she was thinking on what to say.

"W-What do you mean they don't know yet?" she said as I could see tears welling up into her eyes.

"They said they didn't find anything in my blood when they ran the tests, meaning that all of them tested negative, but they said it's also too early to actually tell."

"What do you mean too early to actually tell?"

"Since the time we had sex was fairly recent, it's too early for them to tell if I have anything. Although the tests came back negative, it may not have been visible."

"So you're telling me that although they tested you for everything and didn't see anything, something might be there?"

"Unfortunately. They told me to get checked again in about three or four weeks. That will finalize if I really have something or not."

The room went silent as she looked like her world had just ended.

"Baby I-" I started as I touched her arm.

She quickly moved it away as she looked disgusted. She looked as if she didn't even know who I was anymore. She was too scared to even touch me, but she looked pissed off more than anything.

The rest of the night was spent by her ignoring me.

₪

I of course followed through with cooking the dinner, but she of course refused to eat it. She looked at it like it was a plate of shit. She wouldn't even touch it. Not only did she not eat anything, she wouldn't even move. She sat in the same spot on the bed staring off into space. She looked as if she had just seen her life flash before her eyes.

Shit, she probably did. I honestly felt like shit.

We were slowly but surely coming back to good terms, but now it felt as if it was slowly crashing back down. What if I did have an STD? That would mess up so many things. If I had something, that meant she had it too. And if she so happens to pop up pregnant in a few months, that means the baby might possibly have something in it's blood too.

All because I didn't use a fucking condom. This whole situation could have been avoided if I would have just wrapped it up. This was enough to make me just end my life.

"Chris baby please," I said as I touched her cheek.

Surprisingly, she didn't move away. She just sat there. I saw a single tear roll down the cheek I was still caressing as I pulled her into my arms.

"J if you have something I'll have to live with it the rest of my life!" she cried.

"Christina I do too. How do you think I feel?"

"Maybe if you would have wrapped your dick up we wouldn't be dealing with this right now."

"I'm aware of that Christina, and I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't fix this situation."

"I know," I sighed. "But please just work with me." I continued.

"Christina I'm just as scared as you are. Just like the results will change your life, it will change mine too. But we don't know the results yet, so don't think negative alright? If you think negative things of the results, of course the tests are going to come back bad. But if you put it in God's hands and praise him in in the middle of all this shit, God will work it out."