Refuge

Chapter 9: Waking Up To Reality

I open my eyes slightly, squinting because of the light streaming through the curtains of my bedroom window, hitting me directly in the face, peaking just above someone’s shoulder. 

I open my eyes wider and realize why I feel so comfortable, why I’m so warm, and why I can’t move. 

Hayden’s holding me close to his chest, his arms wrapped around me, holding me tight like he’s afraid I’m going to leave him. I glance up at his face and almost let out a sigh at how young, how peaceful he looks. Everyone says that in books and movies and shit, but Hayden’s features really do change when he’s asleep. If anything, he’s even more beautiful. 

I try to get out of Hayden’s iron like grip, but no such luck; his arms only tighten in response. After a while of me struggling and him still not waking up, I give up, settling for just laying in the bed with him. I try not to think about his arms around me or how my heart’s beating a bit faster at the moment. I try not to think about the events of last night and just focus on the now. On how amazing, how natural it feels to wake up with Hayden. 

It’s almost scary how comfortable I feel with him. 

After a while, Hayden finally stirs, mumbling a bit in his sleep, pulling me closer to his chest. 

“Uh Hayden...?” I start out trying to get his attention. 

He doesn’t say anything back. No, he just continues to shift until he’s burying his face in my neck, just like I did to his last night. I try and push him off but in the end I’m no use against him. I sigh and just lay there, waiting for him to wake up fully, realize what he’s doing, then push me away in disgust. 

Finally, he pulls back, but still keeps me close enough to where our noses almost touch. His eyes are barely open, but they’re light, looking happy and something else I can’t place. Almost like he’s at peace. 

“Good morning...” Hayden says, his voice obviously thick with sleep. 

Wait-what? Where’s the “oh my gods I can’t believe I slept in the same bed as you someone must disinfect me!” response I was expecting? I was totally not preparing for a “ good morning”....

“Uh...morning?” I mumble slightly, not sure what to do. I mean, Hayden and I sorta started talking to each other again recently and now we’re waking up in the same bed together? All cuddled up like married couples do? Call me crazy, but I’m just slightly, okay, very aware of all that’s going on and am completely confused by all of it. 

“What time is it...?” I shrug, well as best I can since I’m laying on my side. Hayden rolls over, one arm still around me, and checks my bedside alarm clock. “It’s 9:32.”

I nod, rolling over to the other side of the bed, swinging my legs over and looking at the wall opposite of Hayden. I run my hands through my hair, trying to at least tame the mane that is my morning hair.

I bite my lip and try not to think too hard about the situation. I try not to think about what almost happened to me for the second time, and trust me, one time is one too many. Will things be awkward between Hayden and I now? Does he regret helping me, holding me last night? If I'm going to be honest with myself, I'll have to admit that I kinda liked Hayden holding me last night. It made me feel....worthwhile. 

I feel the bed dip down. I glance over my shoulder and see that Hayden’s gotten up. He walks around the ginormous bed and sits down next to me, his shoulder brushing up against mine. I keep my eyes focused on the wall, trying to calm myself. Just because he slept in the same bed as me last night, doesn't mean we're all buddy buddy now. If anything, it just means I need to keep an even greater distance between us, before feelings start to form.