Refuge

Chapter 23: Wanting To Try

I'll add more of an author's note late, but right now I'm tired. Dueces!

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I’m dreaming of swimming in the ocean, fast and smooth, cutting through the waves like a knife. Lethal and quick I swim, like I’m a part of the water. It’s my dream, so I’m able to breath under the water. I dive down, swimming farther and deeper than any human would ever be able to do otherwise. 

Once I’m low enough, I stop and just drift through the water, not floating to the top nor sinking to the bottom. Just stationary, a picture of peace. 

I love the feeling of the cold water, relaxing my body. I love the way the salt feels, lightly abrasive to my skin, making me feel clean and fresh. I smile as I let the currents take me to and fro, twirling my body around like I’m dancing, causing my limps to make beautiful movements and my hair to swirl around me like some kind of wild Siren. I let the currents turn on my back so I can look up as the waves above me crash into the rocks, sending sediment swirling and the water churning into a kaleidoscope of colors. 

And then, I wake up to the pain. 

My eyes open. Well, they try to open, at least, seeing as they’ve almost sealed shut with unshed tears, forming as I laid in my canopy bed and dreamed, not knowing that it was time for my day of suffering. 

It only used to come once a month like every other girl, but after the incident, it comes about once every four to six months, the last one being a month or so before I left for Wynn. The shortest time spent in agony was five hours and the longest was twenty-six. Plus, it’s completely random; no rhyme or reason to when it’ll come, so I never known when it will come. 

It really sucks.

But, the day after the first wave ended (it only lasted eight hours), my mother took me to a specialty doctor in LA. There, they prescribed me some medication that I should take when this happens. It stops the flow very quickly, but it doesn’t do allot to dull the pain. 

So it still really sucks. 

I lay there on my back, clenching my teeth shut tight, trying not to moan in pain. I can feel the thickness of the blood pooling around my waist and legs, seeping into the hills and valleys in the sheets that my body had made while I slept. I also feel the pain, like some maniac is stabbing me in my stomach, over and over and over again. 

As a passing thought in the sea of pain, I feel guilty for ruining the silk sheets that adorn my beautiful bed, here in Hawaii. Oh well, I’ll just buy some more. Good thing my parents are rich.

I don’t know how long I lay there, in complete and total agony, the gentle breeze from the ocean blowing in through my open windows the only that soothes me, even if just a little bit. 

God, where are the damn pills? I think as I lay there, trying to get out of the haze that is pain. Did I put them over in my bedside table or could they still be in my toiletry bag? Are they still packed away in my roller bag? I turn slightly to pull open the drawer but that causes a whole new wave of pain to erupt up and down my abdomen, so I settle back into my own sticky mess. 

This is so fun.

Maybe I can try and hit my head on something so I’ll faint? Sadly, I can’t figure out how to maneuver enough to get a good enough shot without making my stomach feel like an Atomic Bomb went off. Still, it could be worth a try. 

But, right when I’m about to make a decision, I hear someone call my name. 

“Princess? Are you coming or what? My mom’s made breakfast and we’re going to take it out to the beach!” Hayden calls, sounding slightly annoyed that I’m not up yet. I remember promising last night that we’d meet in the morning, something that I’m  unable to do, as of late.