Refuge

Chapter 18: He's Trying To Fix Himself

So, I know I've been pretty dormant for a while. I'm really sorry, it's just with school and sports ruling my life and taking up a whole bunch of time, it's been hard to fit in time for writing. But, this week, I barely have anything to do besides maybe a practice or two, so, hopefully I'll be able to get some major writing  done! 

For anyone wondering, this story is FAR from over. I can't give you an exact number of chaptes because honestly, I don't know. I do know, that if you really wanna know what happens to Hayden and Alex, keep reading. I promise, you will like the ending. In fact, I guarantee it. 

I'd also like to draw to mind the fact that yes, I know, my earlier chapters aren't my greatest works. BUT, I'm going to do a MAJOR revision once I get the entire book published on Wattpad, so, just a fair warning, some smaller details might change in the near or far future. I'll keep you updated.

Also, just keep in mind, I'm having a bit of a tough time right now. I'm going through some major revisions in my life, maybe even leaving some of the "old me" behind and picking up some better traits and habits on the way. Hell, I might have to leave some people behind. But, that said, I just would ask that you keep me on mind when you're wanting to offer up a prayer or a thought for someone. I would greatly appreciate it :)

So, here ya go! Chapter 18 :)

-A

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Hayden is quiet for a moment. I can still hear his labored breathing, see his chest rising and falling out of my peripheral. I just try to keep my eyes trained anywhere but his, knowing that they’re probably still as dark as they were a few moments ago. Plus, if I look at him, at his lips...well, there’s not telling what would happen. I’m not exactly what you would call,  “in right mind”, at the moment. 

Finally, he stands without a word, shoves his hands in his pockets, and starts walking back across the rocks towards the small, indiscernible path, leaving me standing where I am. 

I scramble behind him and try to catch up, his long strides equalling two of mine, walking deftly across the rocky ground as I do. I step down onto the dirt covered path, following a step or two behind him. I try to keep my eyes down, but eventually, they rise up and gaze upon Hayden. I look at his strong stride, the way he walks with confidence, and his back, noticing the way it’s dips and curves as he walks, his muscles flexing with each step.

I bite my lip and try to look somewhere else. I am so not allowed to think about Hayden’s muscles like that. Kissing him was stepping over that invisible line, but ogling him in public? Or just over all thinking about him like I’m some teenage girl obsessed with the latest boy band? That’s so far from okay, it’s not even real. It’s so far from what I was thinking only a few months ago! 

Gods, why did he have to kiss me! Why did I have to kiss him back! It just complicates everything. Now, I’m going to feel so guilty whenever I see Dom or Luke, his parents, and Hallie...

Oh shit. Hallie. 

Oh my God, she’s going to kill me! I freaking kissed her brother! Well, he kissed me first, but I kissed him back! Oh my freaking gods she is going to be so mad at me. She’s going to hate me. Our friendship is over...

But, a small voice says in the back of my mind, she did sound like she had hoped that something was going on between Hayden and I. Maybe she wants us to be together. 

No, I stop myself at that thought. They’re can’t be a “Hayden and I”. I’m too damaged as it is and Hayden’s still recovering from heartbreak. We would only end up hurting each other, something that I’ve desperately tried to keep from happening. It just can’t happen; not again.