Refuge

Chapter 25: It For Me

Sorry it's taken so long :( I've had finals, work, dance, and writing for a bunch of other stories!!! I hope you like this chapter!! It's one of my personal favorites :)

-A

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Chapter 25: It For Me

 “I had a good time today.”

I look up as I shut the Beemer’s door with a snap. Hayden’s leaning across the hood of the car, grinning at me lazily, his still slightly damp hair waving a bit in the wind. I bite my lip as I think about how good he looks. It’s not the first time I’ve noticed that Hayden’s attractive, but it’s still new to me that I’m allowed to think that, that I can still think that about anyone. 

I walk over, leaning against the front of the car beside him, grinning the entire time. “I had a good time too. Well, even though I got completely rained on, that is.” 

“Hey, it wasn’t like I planned it to go that way!” Hayden says with a laugh, ducking his head down before looking up. His smile is ever present and I can tell, he had a really good day. He reaches forward and takes me hand, rubbing his thumb along the top of it. “I’m glad you had a good time.”

“Me too,” I say quietly. I smile and squeeze his hand, leaning off of the car, and walk towards him. Feeling a bit touchy-feely, I walk straight into him, his arms automatically wrapping around me and pulling me close, hugging my tightly. I sigh as I lean further into his warm chest, loving how he’s so much taller than me. His shirt is drier than mine and as I close my eyes, I breathe in the surprisingly nice salty smell. It’s peaceful, being in his arms, even when my heart’s racing at a hundred miles an hour. 

“This is weird...” Hayden says after a moment, a slightly chuckle in his voice. 

I look up with a frown. “Why?”

“Because,” he says with a shrug, keeping his arms around me. “You’re not the touchy-feeling type and I guess I never really thought you’d be the one to initiate contact between us. It’s a pleasant surprise, really, that you feel comfortable enough to hug me and hold my hand. Honestly, I thought you’d be too...”

“Too what?”

“Too scared,” Hayden says quietly, his hands folding behind my back. 

I sigh and lean forward, resting my cheek back onto his chest. “Yeah, I am scared.” He immediately stiffens like he’s going to push me away, but I pull him closer, wanting him to understand why. 

“Before you freak out, know that I’m not scared of you or you hurting me.” He visibly relaxes. “I’m scared, because you make me feel so safe. I’ve never felt like that before, not since before...what happened. I’m scared at how much I trust you, and let me tell you, it’s allot.” 

He smiles at this and I smile softly back, placing my hand on his cheek. “I’m scared that I’m going to flashback when you kiss me or touch me and freak out. But, I’m also scared that I won’t, that I’ll just become numb and unfeeling and that you’ll be left with the shell of a girl who you used to know. I scared that I’m going to give up and say that it’s too hard because I don’t want to get hurt. I’m scared that I’m going to give up because I’m afraid that I’m hurting you and making your life worse by being in it.” I take a deep breath and lean forward, letting my forehead rest against his chest. “So yeah, I’m scared, but more for you than me.”