I'm Coming Home

7

Hindi ko pa man naibubukas yung mata ko, ramdam na ramdam ko na tama ng alak sakin. Fvck this hangover! Fvck this life! Ugh! As I slowly open my eyes, everything is a blur. Ang sakit sa mata ng sikat mo Mr.Sun! It added on my horrible headache. I'd still choose this kind of pain than the pain she caused for leaving me. I can't stand the pain she've caused but this horrible hangover? Give me an hour or two, it will quickly fade away. I'm strong kaya. She made me strong. But, how can I be one? If the one who made me this was now gone? Tss.

As I've said, give me an hour or two and it will soon be gone. I got up. Did my morning rituals, as usual. I'm hungry. Dati, pagkagising ko plng, or yet, dpa ko gising, gigisingin na nya ko para kumain. Kesyo nagluto daw sya, nagprepare daw sya para sakin. "Goodmorning baby. Cook for me, please? I miss how your food tastes. Walang classy resto ang makakatalo sa luto mo e. Kahit bacon and egg lang yan. Hahaha. I miss you preparing things for me. Jho, aga aga pinapalungkot mo ko. Ano ba yan. Kiss me goodmorning naman." Bulong ko sa hangin. And as if on cue, sudden wind blew, I didn't know where it came. "Jho is that you kissing me? Thankyou! Imissyou. But wag mko takutin ng bongga ha? Tama na yang paganyan ganyan. Alam mo namang takot ako sa mga ganyan e. Hehe!" Kausap ko ulit sknya.

I cooked for myself. Happy life huh? Tsk.
*Riiiiiiiing ~~~~ Riiiiiiiing ~~~*
For no reasons, I found my phone ringing. And when I saw who the caller is. I creased. What the? "Sasabay kpa talaga?" I am left with no choice but to just answer it. "Oh?" Bastos na kung bastos, pero ganyan talaga ako sumagot ng tawag. Kahit kanino pa manggaling yan. Kahit nga kay Jho ganyan ako sumagot e. Kaya galit na galit sya sakin. Whehehehe. Cute. My thoughts are interrupted by the voice on the line, "What the hell do you think you're doing Bea? Where the fvck are you? Are you out of your mind? Vacation at this time? Wala ka bang trabaho ha?! Ano nanaman bang kalokohan to?!" He said with so much angerness in his voice. Yeah, he's a he. He's none other than my oh so great father. My beloved father. Pwe! "Goodmorning indeed, Mr. De Leon. I am here at our pent house in El Nido. I've had enough for this week so I'm here to have some refreshments. I need a break though. I think I deserve this afterall. Worrying about the works I've left? You should've called Maddie first. Do you think I'm that irresponsible Dad?" I put emphasis on that word, 'Dad' he never seemed one, honestly. "I don't effin care, young lady. You bastard! Bakit ka ba ganyang bata ka?! Ano bang problema mo?!" What the hell!? Is he really serious? Anong problema ko? Talaga ba? Putangina naman oh! "Jho, I need you. The old man again. Send me patience. Pigilan mko mahal. Pakalmahin mko." I silently prayed. "Oh, daddy. Don't bother to ask. I can manage naman without you. Umabot nga ko sa ganitong edad oh. Just let me Mr. I know what I'm doing. I will go home naman. I'm not like you who's irresponsible to leave everything behind for his own sake." Note the sarcasm. Before he could speak, I have already thrown my phone. Wasak! Wohooo! 3 points for Bea! I smirked.

You know, I can still smile after all what I've been through. Talent ko nlng din siguro yun. Hehe. But deep inside me, I'm breaking, it's like I'm shattered into pieces and no one can ever fix it. (Atleast on my opinion) Not even Jho. Even though she could cheer me up and could pick up the pieces and put it into place. But still, sira na ako. Nasira na ako. Naibalik man, pero dna tulad ng dati. But because of Jho? I forgave my father. Kinalimutan ko lahat para sknya. Si Jho lang kasi sapat na. Mawala na lahat, wag lang sya. But the hell with tadhana! Kinuha sya. Damn you tadhana!

Flashback

May nabalitaan na ba kayong namatay dahil sa sama ng loob? Kasi ako malapit na! Punong puno na ko. Ayoko na. Tangina naman e. Sinusubukan ko namang intindihin si Daddy, Lord. Pero bakit ganun? Sinusubok mo ba talaga ako? Pasuko na po kasi ako e. And there, I cried and cried and cried. I'm surprised how my eyes can still manage to produce tears this long. Kanina pa kasi ako umiiyak sa sama ng loob. Alam mo ba yung pakiramdam na yun? Yung sobrang sasabog kna pero wala kang magawa? Kasi sobra sobra yung respeto mo sknya. Tatay mo kasi. Di mo masagot kasi alam mong mali. Unfair dba? "Magtino ka Isabel! Pinalaki kita. Pinakain. Pinag-aral. Tapos ano?! Sasabihin mo saking may girlfriend ka?! Nasisiraan kna ba ng ulo? Umayos ka! Fvck." He hissed with so much disappointment. If only my mother were here. Malamang di to nangyayari. Mahal ako nun e. Di katulad netong ama ko. "Mom, I know you're up there watching us. Why haven't you done something? Why didn't you stop dad from cursing me, shouting at me, throwing words that could wreck my whole. Why? You love me right? But why? Do I really have to suffer like this? Dapat sinama mo nlng ako mamatay Mommy e. Atleast sana magkasama tayo ngayong dalawa, masaya pa." I silently cried in so much pain. Mabigat na loob ko. Ayoko na. But Jho was there for me. She was there when I felt like everyone turned their back on me. She never left me. Sya yung tumayong lakas ko nung nanghihina na ko. Sya yung lumaban para sakin nung sukong suko na ko. Sya yung ngumiti para sakin nung wala akong ibang ginawa kundi umiyak. Sya. My Jho. How lucky I am right? Kaya di ako nagsisisi na pinaglaban ko sya sa ama ko.

Madami pang pangyayari sa buhay ko kung saan ayoko na. Ayoko na talaga. Pero sya, si Jho, gusto pa nya. Tinulungan nya ko. Tinaas nya ko.

I notice every single thing, but I always keep my mouth shut. Tahimik lang akong tao e. Wala kang maririnig sakin kahit galit na ko. Lahat ng sasabihin sakin, tinatanggap ko lang. Murahin nko, wala akong pake. Pero di ibig sabihin nun, na di ako mapupuno. Walang taong ganun. Pero ni minsan, walang narinig tatay ko sakin. Kahit kailan, dko sya sinagot. Ginalang ko sya. Yung respeto dahil ama ko sya. Yung utang na loob. Lahat. Simpleng katahimikan at pagtanggap lang hinihingi ko sknya, dpa nya maibigay? Ang mali kasi satin, iniisip natin lagi na tayo lang yung nasasaktan. Edi wow dba? Di natin alam na mas may higit na nasasaktan. Gusto kasi nating nakukuha yung simpatya ng tao e. Nature of people. Tsk.

End of flashback

"Jho, where are you? Are you still looking for me from above? Nasasaktan ako. Take away the pain, please. Or you could have atleast lessen it. Kiss my tears away halimaw."

This world's not a wish-granting factory where you can get all that you want. Noted! This life is not a wish-granting factory.