Kill or Be Killed (under MAJOR editing)

Chapter 9

Oliver nodded the empty room, "Here you are."

"Thanks." I mumbled as I stepped into the room and sat on the bed.

"Uh, I can get your stuff from the car, I mean, if you want me to." He suggested and I nodded.

"Yeah, that'd be great actually."

He nodded, "I'll be right back, don't go anywhere."

I didn't respond but instead I just lied back onto the bed and closed my eyes.  How could it be that only a week ago none of this had happened, I wasn't at the skate park, my parents were still alive, I didn't know anyone in this gang, but now everything's so different. I wish I hadn't gone to the stupid fucking skate park, I wish I hadn't gone, I wish I would've stayed home. I should've just stayed home. Suddenly thats all I could think of and tears were begining to fill behind my eyelids. I should've stayed home.

If I stayed home none of this would've happened. How I wish that none of this happened.

There was a knock on the door and I sat up, opening my eyes. Oliver stood in the doorway holding my bag. He walked over and set it down by my feet before sitting down next to me. I really didn't wanna be comforted right now, I just wanted to be alone. I just didn't know how to say that so I let him sit there.

"Ya know-" He began but I cut him off.

"I'm okay." I immediately said, but I wasn't and he knew I wasn't.

"It was out of your hands Kacey, you couldn't have done anything to prevent it." He got up and walked to the doorway before saying, "It wasn't your fault." Then closing the door behind him.

For some reason that one sentence had me sobbing for the rest of the day. It wasn't my fault but it felt like it. And isn't that just a shitty feeling?

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I hadn't realized I fell asleep until Bryce was shaking me awake. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, looking at him, he was..smiling?

"What's got you so happy?" I mumbled.

"I'm with you guys, I'm apart of the gang."

I smiled brightly and engulfed my brother into a hug. It was sad that this was the best news I'd heard the past couple of days, but good news is good news. I pulled away, suddenly confused.

"You killed someone?" I asked.

His face dropped, "Uh, yeah, it was very emotionally wrecking. Pulling back the trigger was hard for me and its not something I ever wanna do again, but I know I'll have to."

"I'm sorry I dragged you into this, I'm sorry this is happening to us, you shouldn't have to do this. We shouldn't be in this situation, if I would've just-" He cut me off before I could say anything more.

"Kacey, you had no idea that we would somehow end up in this situation. No one ever say it coming, you can't beat yourself up over something that was out of your hands." He spoke slowly.

I looked down at my trembling hands and took in a deep breath, "You don't have to be strong for me, I know how emotionally unstable you must be after today. With mom and dad dying, finding out your sister is a part of a gang, having to kill someone," I looked at him, "you can let it out."

He let out a deep breath before giving me a sad smile, "If one of us isn't strong then who's gonna be?"

I looked back down at my hands but tears were blurring my vision then suddenly they wouldn't stop coming. I haven't cried this hard since our pet dog died. My eyes felt swollen, my nose was unbelievably stuffy, and my brain felt like it was trying to jump out my skull. Bryce just pulled me into his side and mumbled things like, "I know" and "I love you". We stayed like that for awhile before there was a knock on the door and I sat up, wiping my eyes even though it was obvious I was crying.