My Poetry Journal

Tears Be Free

This will be a looooong chapter so sit back and enjoy! And... It's not really a poem, but I believe it's a good read!

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All I could do was run.

I ran away from my safe haven, my home, tears streaking down my face. Hot, angry tears full of hurt and pain. Just letting it all go, all of the emotion that's been pent up for many days, too many. Now is when I burst, when I let my feelings take over.

"He asked me out, and we are going to try dating for a while." Didn't think Alex would act like that, spouting the one word I knew was coming but was willing not to be, 'Goodbye'. I felt so guilty, I cannot even express how sorry I am to have said it, but it was the right thing to do. Being honest and saying the truth destroys me sometimes. But that's who I am, with only a few words I manage to ruin everything. My friends don't care anymore, my best friend (the guy who asked me out) just left when I told him I still loved Alex, and my family has no clue the battles I face every single goddamn day when I go to school, or even sit alone and am left to my own thoughts...

I dash into the trees along the beaten path. Everything is white with the freshly fallen snow, and it looks too pretty for a girl to go streaking through it with rivers frozen on her face.

Where is it, mindlessly I think. The words I said, and his reply, like bludgers repeatedly beating my brain, causing my temples to throb as tiny limbs and branches thwack my face and body. But I don't feel the physical pain, it's all mental right now. Those few words, speaking so much even with so little.

Through blurry pupils I spot the tall tree, my favorite tree, the one I go to when I need to cry, to be away from everyone and just be myself. Nowadays, it's the only place I can go where I'm accepted, where no one fights against each other just for the sake of it. Where I can wallow in my own misery alone, and just let the tears fall. But I am not alone today.

I reach for branch one, a short flat piece as perfect leverage. Pulling myself up like I have accomplished millions of times before, my foot falls into place as I climb as high as my fear of heights will allow. Straddling the last branch that can hold my weight and letting my forehead hit the bark, the tears fall harder, flowing down my flushed face and creating mini lakes in the palms of my hands.

So finally I give up, I won't run anymore. If he wants to chase after me this much, why did he say goodbye rather than share his full feelings? Please, end this suffering called Love. Why does it hurt so much! I don't want him to be the second choice, but that's what I've turned it into. I was just infatuated with the idea that someone wanted to date me and be my boyfriend, I never thought about if I could see us together in the future, I just wanted the 'now, now, now'. Little does Alex know it ended after a week from being too awkward between us. I've been too ashamed to share it with him, because I know he hates me after that day, when I broke his heart.

He came today, Alex.

I couldn't handle seeing him again, so I ran. I didn't even open up the front door, but he saw me run out the back, trying to put on a hoodie as little shelter from the freezing weather.

"Cambrie!" I heard him scream into the empty field, following my footsteps into the thick blanket covering the ground floor. "Cam!" the tears began to fall as the pleading voice reached my ears and I could no longer hold back any of the pain.

Crunch, crunch. I hear him coming towards my tree now. My eyes shut of their own volition as I feel the tree sway with Alex climbing up. He pants heavily in the cold winter air, but manages to mutter, "I didn't... I want to... tell you..." All I can do is part my eyes a little through my eyelashes and catch a glimpse of his rosy cheeks and bright eyes, his filled with tears too.

"I'm sorry!" he finally sputters and stands on the branch below mine, leaving us at eye level. I can tell he wants to reach out and touch my face, to wipe away the glassy ice residue.

Watching his eyes as he shivers even with his huge jacket on, I don't feel the cold, even though I know I'm shivering too. He really means what he says, those gorgeous brown eyes hold so many emotions at times it's hard to tell what he's really thinking. But right now, I can see he's as miserable as I am. I was devastated after his reply to my words, and now I also see how the repercussions have affected him. Alex has dark circles under his eyes and a dark 5 o'clock shadow, and he looks so tired and pale. I hurt for him, and I believe I'm too quick to forgive sometimes, but right now I cannot resist. Every day, and every night, I'd cry for what I had lost. But he's come back to me, and I'm not going push him away anymore.

After all this time, I don't think for once about what I did and how much it hurt. I think about us, where we are right now, and where we should go from here.

We are still as statues, staring at each other as a light snow begins to fall. A deep urge to disturb those flakes falling onto his hair and eyelashes awakens inside my chest, and I can't hold my hand back from reaching out to touch those beautiful curly dark locks, which happen to show a very dark indigo in the white light.

He sighs when my fingers run through the sea of silk on top of his forehead, and he unzips his jacket to grab and hold me tight in the warmth radiating from his body, spreading heat throughout my imitation of a popsicle. Pulling me down from my branch to stand on his own, so he's a little taller than I, one word reaches my ears.

"Cam..." whispering my nickname, he hugs me tighter and I tilt my face up just as he tilts down.

"Alex..."

His lips are soft and we stand motionless for what seems like an eternity in our very first kiss.

The woods are silent, given the exception of our wildly beating hearts. He breaks away too soon and I already miss his caress across my skin.

"Cambrie... I thought you were done with me, having taken him. But I got your messages, I just couldn't bring myself to reply. I was afraid you just wanted comfort from a safe place, not my actual love. Huh, my bad..." Hearing his side of the story makes me light up inside, knowing now that he truly doesn't hate me, though I could tell from the kiss.

"It's okay. I'm just glad you don't hate me anymore," I beam as he pecks my lips, again causing my cheeks to burn. "Let's get out of the cold, your fingers are changing colors." He laughs but I look down and sure enough, the tips are beginning to turn a soft purple.

We walk back to my house hand in hand. No, it's more like his arm around my shoulders and mine around his waist. After closing the front door I go to run my hands under warmish water to turn my fingers red again. Alex is in the doorway to the bathroom when I turn and he startles me.

"Don't do that, Alex! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" He just chuckles and walks behind me, wrapping his arms around my midsection and looks at us in the mirror.

We have both needed to become the 'parents' for our friends, because making sure your buddies who hold you together like glue do not dissipate in the water of life is hard work, and requires some maturity. But whenever it would get too much to handle alone, we always called on each other for help. We were the best of friends. Until I said those words, unknowing that he'd respond the way he did. But that was the past, and this is now. I know he loves me, and forgives me for what I have done, even if it hurt him down to the core.

"I love you," he says so nonchalant.

"I love you more," I whisper after a hesitating second and start to blush again.

"I love you most," and with that he turns me around to plant another soft kiss on my now tomato-red face, signaling he means it truly.

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Thanks for reading this short story I wrote! I have more but I don't know if I should add them or not. What do you guys think? Let me know soon, okay? Oh, and sorry for the late update, I've been busy and haven't been able to write in a while. I actually have a new story I'm working on completing before I add it to Wattpad and I have great reviews from friends and family already so check it out! I'll post the description for it soon!