Because of Him

5

Chapter Five

I woke up with butterflies in my stomach. I wasn't sure how the day would go, but I had a feeling that, somehow, I would end up talking to Logan. It wasn't a bad feeling, though. Or maybe it was... I still wasn't sure.

I threw the covers off my body, feeling the cool Autumn air prickle my skin. Running my hands up and down my arms in search of heat, I walked over to my closet, picking out an over-sized sweatshirt and blue jeans. I threw on the outfit quickly and headed into the restroom. After brushing my teeth, I moved onto my hair and picked it up into a messy bun.

I walked into the kitchen, taking out a couple of eggs from the refrigerator and a small frying pan from the cabinet. As I began cooking, my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text message from Emmie.

Hey sweetie, a little busy right now but I just wanted to say that I love you, and I hope you have a good day. -Emmie

A small smile spread across my face.

After replying with an I love you too, I quickly finished and ate my breakfast and gathered all my things for school.

As I drove to school, I impatiently tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, feeling butterflies swarm my stomach all over again. I didn't know why I felt so nervous. Maybe it was because I had a feeling that I had judged him too fast. Maybe it was because I believed what he said in my dream.

Maybe it was because I knew he was going to be different.

I was so caught up in daydreaming about Logan, that I almost crashed into another car while driving into the school's parking lot.

"Oh god," I cried as I slammed on the brakes and as the car jerked my body forward. I cringed and mentally apologized to the driver as they drove past me and threw a glare in my direction.

After finding a parking space, I quickly slipped out of my car and made my way into the building in front of me. When I got to my locker, I noticed a couple standing a couple feet away from me. They were holding hands and talking to each other softly. I could hear him say that she was beautiful and perfect, and she told him he was the best thing that had happened to her.

They were extremely cheesy, but I couldn't help feeling envious. My last relationship was nothing compared to theirs. I mean, maybe at first it was, but then my ex-boyfriend, Ryder, started treating me like garbage and everything started to fall apart. But I thought I was in love; so I stuck with him.

He was one of the reasons I had such a hard time trusting people. The reason why I wouldn't allow myself to get close to anyone.

But I was determined to change that today.

❧

I took a deep breath and walked into the classroom. I didn't make any eye contact with anybody; I simply kept my eyes trained on the floor. When I reached my desk, I glanced in Logan's direction. He talking to a girl -- a pretty girl.

I looked away and sat down in my chair, unable to hide my frown. I felt a strong surge of disappointment settle in the pit of my stomach. I tried pushing the feeling out of my head but couldn't, especially when class started and he still hadn't looked my way.

          I supposed I was expecting too much from him. I shouldn't be surprised if he ignored me. After all, I wouldn't even talk to him the day before and I didn't listen when he aksed me to wait.

           I didn't pay attention to a word our teacher, Mrs. Pomers, said the entire period. And when the bell for lunch rang, I got up and planned to head over to the roof again. I was about to walk through the door when Mrs. Pomers called me.

          "Miss Gates, may I speak with you for a moment?"
 
          "Uh, sure." I said, slowly making my way over towards her desk. "Is there anything wrong?"

          "Well, actually, I've noticed that lately you seem rather distracted during class. I'm not sure if it's anything at home or here at school, but I just want to make sure if everything's all right."

          "Oh, um, yeah, everything's fine." I gave her a tight smile. "I guess I haven't been getting enough sleep. I'll try to work on that."

          "Very well," She smiled. "But if you ever need anything, I'm an excellent listener."

          "Thanks," I nodded curtly and kept the forced smile on my face.

          "No problem, dear."

          I exited the classroom and hurried up the stairs that led to the roof. When I opened the door at the top of the staircase, my heart nearly stopped.

          There, sitting on the edge of the roof, was Logan. He was staring out ahead of him, and continued to do so even when the door closed loudly behind me.

          With my heart pounding in my chest, I quietly took a deep breath and slowly began walking towards Logan.

          I closed my eyes. You can do this. You can do this.

          Taking a leap of faith, I sat down beside him; I didn't look at him, just stared out at the sky, just how he was doing. However, within five seconds, he finally turned to look at me.

          I did the same, with the faintest smile grazed on my lips. The corner of his lips tugged upwards. Having acknowledged the friendly act, I looked back at the sky. My smile started to fade as I remembered that I still owed him an apology for yesterday. Well, I thought, Here goes nothing.

          "I'm sorry." I blurt out. I looked down at my hands, which were fidgeting in my lap.

          He turned to look at me. "What for?"

          "Yesterday," I said, tearing my eyes from in front of me and sweeping them over to meet his. "I wouldn't talk to you because.. I don't know, I guess I'm just not used to people talking to me. Or standing up for me."

          He half-smiled and shrugged. "I felt bad about not saying anything when I knew I could."

         I smiled shyly and looked away.

         "I thought I was the only one who came up here." He said after a couple seconds of silence.

          I glanced at him. "Me too."

          Neither one of us said anything else and the awkwardness seemed to loom in the air around us.

          "Well, I better go. I'm getting hungry." He finally said, liberating me from the suffocating silence. "Do you want to join?"

          "Oh, um, no, thanks."

          "All right. See you later, then." He said, smiling. He pushed himself up and started towards the door.

          I realized that I hadn't even told him my name and I hastily stood up and faced his retreating back.

          "Wait!"

          He turned around. His eyebrows were raised slightly, waiting for what I wanted to say.

          "It's Lauren."

          His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What?"

          "My name," I said, shyly tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "It's Lauren."

          His lips tugged upwards and he nodded slowly. "I'll see you around, Lauren."

          My heart fluttered at how my name rolled off his tounge. It sounded just the same whenever someone else said it, but it felt.. different.

          "By the way," he added, stuffing his hands in his pockets, "If I could go back in time and stand up for you sooner, I'd do it in a heartbeat."