Better Undercover

Chapter 14: Alone

Chapter 14: Alone

So this is what it's like to be crazy, to have officially gone crazy. I mean, I guess it's how it feels. I might be different for everyone, or people who aren't crazy don't really know how it feels. Either way, I was mentally gone. I didn't know who was trying to help me, and who was trying to hurt me, all I knew was that the voices in my head were gone, which should've been a good thing.

I had never felt so alone in my life.

Despite all the times I spent sitting by myself, the times everyone seemed to be looking for everyone but me, this was the worst out of all of them. I always had the voices in my head to guide me, especially during those times, but now there was nothing but silence.

"Courtney, get up," Brittney said.

Was I on the ground? I didn't really care. I guess that was why my head hurt like I had just been punched, but it could also be me going crazy. Did people's heads hurt when they went crazy, or were they so far gone that they don't even realize it? Either way, I knew one thing for certain, I didn't want to get up. If I got up, I would have to look around, and when I looked around, I would see everything I destroyed.

It was my fault. It was all my fault. The fact that the voices in my head had become so much a part of me, I thought they really were me. I thought they were trying to help me, and the sort of were, but at what cost to the world?

I wasn't thinking straight. I had never been thinking straight. Everything that I had ever done wasn't entirely me. I had always heard the voices, seen the words, heard the screams, but I never fully understood them. Once I could, they would never be quiet. They had never been quiet.

Until now.

I don't know what was really me and what wasn't. Maybe I had never been in full control of my life and it was just the demons controlling me and that was why I was smart, was I was athletic, why I always felt distanced from everyone.

But on the other hand, maybe it wasn't. Everything was just a giant maybe right now.

"Courtney, just call the key to you. It'll make you feel better," Brittney said as she stared me straight in the eyes. "You can do it."

Her eyes were darker than Foley's, but they seemed so much alike. I had always loved looking at people's eyes. Some people's were really pretty, the way the outline of their blueish grey ones would be a bit darker, or the green with hints of brown or the other way around.

There was one pair of eyes that I couldn't forget. They were solid black and didn't even look like they could see anything. But they did. They saw what I wanted and twisted it into something horrible. They saw what they wanted and used me to get it by changing everything that I believed.

I hated those black eyes, and as much as I wanted to forget them, I knew I would never be able to. The demons weren't gone, they were still a part of me despite the fact they were no longer with me. I would never be able to stop seeing them and thinking about what they made me do.

But was it really them who convinced me to do everything I did? It was my idea after all. Maybe I was a monster too. There I go with yet another maybe.

"Courtney, don't listen to her!" I heard Foley yell, but everything seemed so far away. I pulled myself up and saw the fire slowly dying thanks to the efforts of the firefighters. There was a crowd of people staring at us, but especially me.

I was the girl who made the burnt handprint appear. I made the doors in the school disappear. I left and made everyone forget. My parents were killed and I came back. No matter what happened, I always came back.