Reading Between The Lyrics

Reading Between The Lyrics - Chp 7 {Where Will You Be?}

'Tell me; five years from now will you call my name? Five years from now will you want to even remember my name? Five years from now I don’t know where I will be, but baby I want you there right by me.' – Riley May – Where Will You Be?

I spent the next day utterly absorbed in my own thoughts and world. Dad was busy for work but I knew he was worried about me or at least curious as to what was running through my mind.

I had stopped moping about and feeling as if death itself was upon me. True, the feelings for drowning was still there and everything else, I still questioned a lot of the time of Chad’s whereabouts, his absence and his thoughts. Deeply buried were still the feelings of neglect and abandonment.

Yet right now something else was playing part in my thoughts, ever since the day before when I had been thinking of lyrics and how relatable they were and how I could understand them and the writer. It was there I realized that I understood those around more so than I understood myself; I could imagine a scenario or storyline to each story and I could be partially right where I’d just add the finer details. Yet I had no idea of what my lyrics were saying, what story they told and the hidden message of life.

I didn’t understand myself.

It was this revelation that startled me greatly; if I was meant to be a musician how was I meant to sing lyrics meaningfully full of passion and emotion how was I to do it clueless to my own lyrics? I was adamant to have others write lyrics for me and yet I wanted with every fiber of my being to become a musician and to share my lyrics with others and to prove myself.

I had always been passionate about music, like many others it was a tool for guiding and helping me deal with all emotional discomforts and problems. Music was a companion and something I was very passionate about, it held such meaning to me. I strived to become a well known musician and to share my feelings and past with others, to express myself and have others care and listen, to understand me. yet I knew also deep down I craved for others to be proud of me, my mother hadn’t been proud of me or even present and I craved to prove myself worthy of being proud of.

I needed to prove myself.

Sitting in my room I was staring blankly at my wall and the quote covering it. My room was pretty eccentric and vibrant, my feature wall was a deep purple with my favorite quote splayed along with silver and white text. My other walls were of a soft and grey color; my bed was a double bed of a white frame and white furniture. My guitar sat by my desk with my sound system and amp, my speakers spread about the room to make an incredible surround sound. My laptop, iPod and many other items sat upon my desk and in my shelf beside was stacked high of albums, DVDs, books and of course my man music sheet booklets. My new keyboard that dad had recently bought for Christmas for me was in one corner of my room with a bunch of books and music sheets beside it – slowly but surely I was teaching myself how to play the keyboards.

I stared openly with a frown, my chin in my hand as I tried to think straight, my favorite quote running through my mind over and over again:

"Throughout all of the changes that have happened in my life, one of the priorities I've had is to never change the way I write songs and the reasons I write songs. I write songs to help me understand life a little more. I write songs to get past things that cause me pain. And I write songs because sometimes life makes more sense to me when it's being sung in a chorus, and when I can write it in a verse." – Taylor Swift

I don’t know exactly why it was so important to me, maybe it was because I felt like I needed to do something, or to achieve something since my life had become so confusing and dreary. I didn’t understand Chad’s or my mother’s actions and that drove me to be determined to understand myself at least.