JOYCE STANTON, 52 YEARS, HOOVERS BACKWARDS INTO THE EXTREMELY TIDY KITCHEN SHE WEARS A PAIR OF RUBBER GLOVES BUT OTHERWISE IS SMARTLY DRESSED FOR GOING OUT. JOYCE NOTICES THE AUDIENCE AND TALKS DIRECTLY TO THEM. SHE COUGHS AND STRUGGLES TO BREATHE.
JOYCE: Oh sorry didn’t see you there...hard to hear over this thing. Could
have done with a new one years back but no chance. Not with Mr Manana.
SHE MAKES HER WAY TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM AND PULLS BACK THE CURTAIN. SHE SIGHS.
JOYCE: Welcome to my new conservatory! Five years and still nowhere near. All the
dust and mess. (She coughs and clutches the curtain). That’s what you
get for marrying a builder. You end up living in a building site.
JOYCE DROPS THE CURTAIN, RESTS FOR A MOMENT TO GET HER BREATH AND CONTINUES CLEANING THE ALREADY SPOTLESS KITCHEN.
JOYCE: Never finishes anything. Been quicker if I’d done it myself. Do everything
else, washing, cooking, cleaning.....
AS JOYCE CONTINUES CLEANING SHE BECOMES INCREASINGLY BREATHLESS.
JOYCE: Can’t be good news when they ship you of to a specialist now can it? Soon be
put out of me misery though.
NORMA COURTLY PASSES THE KITCHEN WINDOW AND WAVES AT JOYCE. JOYCE RETURNS THE WAVE.
JOYCE: Good friend Norma. But haven’t wanted to worry her with all this not with
her Jim - lovely man - just gone. She must miss him, he did everything even the
washing up! My Vernon wouldn’t bother if we vanished under a pile of dirty dishes.
JOYCE STARTS BUSILY ARRANGING PACKETS AND JARS IN STRAIGHT LINES.
JOYCE: Need some control in my life......
JOYCE TAKES OFF HER GLOVES AND LAYS THEM NEATLY BY THE SINK. SHE TWEAKS A COUPLE OF ITEMS THAT SEEM OUT OF PLACE.
JOYCE: (She again struggles for breath) Control? That’s a laugh can’t even
control my body.
MARTIN MERRY, 35 YEARS, SMARTLY DRESSED IN A SUIT PASSES THE KITCHEN WINDOW AND TAPS A LITTLE RHYTHM ON THE BACK DOOR.
JOYCE: There’s the boy. Good builder not like Vernon. Should be running the
business. Something else Vernon is dragging his feet over.
MARTIN ENTERS AND GIVES HIS MUM A HUG.
MARTIN: Alright Mum? Ready?
JOYCE: Fine. We’d better get off, know what they’re like. Keep you hanging round
for hours but sling you off the waiting list if you’re late.
MARTIN: Don’t think they’ll be slinging you anywhere...
JOYCE: No. I’ll probably be off the list soon enough.
MARTIN: Mum! You’ll outlive us all.
JOYCE: (Pats Martin’s arm and smiles at him. As they move away looks at the
audience) Make yourself at home (pause) but try not move anything.
It’s such a job to lift scuff-marks.
JOYCE AND MARTIN LEAVE. (THEY RE-APPEAR AT THE FRONT OF THE STAGE FOR SCENE 3)
YOU ARE READING
Houseproud - A Play
HumorA black comedy written some time ago as a short theatre play using limited sets and a very small cast. Apologies for the weird paginating I did try to correct it but after saving the changes it only looked worse! So I'm not going to fiddle with it a...
