MARTIN AND JOYCE ARE CLEANING THE KITCHEN. VERNON’S BODY IS GONE AND EVERYTHING IS ALMOST TIDY. MARTIN AND JOYCE ARE NOT THEIR USUAL WELL-GROOMED SELVES. NORMA TAPS ON THE BACK DOOR.
NORMA: Goodness Joyce. What have you done to your hair? Are you alright?
JOYCE: Been working on the conservatory. Martin’s lending a hand.
NORMA: Well I never. Thought Vernon had abandoned that job years ago.
JOYCE: He decided to make a start before he eft. Helped us with laying the floor.
NORMA: Let’s have a look see.
JOYCE: I’m not sure its set.
NORMA PULLS BACK THE SHEET CURTAIN AND THE TWO WOMEN PEER INTO THE CONSERVATORY. MARTIN CONTINUES MANIACALLY WIPING THE KITCHEN SURFACES.
NORMA: Ooh! What an improvement...looks loads (PAUSE) What’s that?
JOYCE: What?!
NORMA: That thing sticking up.
MARTIN STIFFENS AS THE TWO WOMEN LEAN FURTHER INTO THE CONSERVATORY FOR A CLOSER LOOK.
NORMA: From this angle it looks like..
JOYCE: (Jumping in) ...oh that, its my rubber glove..
MARTIN GRABS JOYCE’S RUBBER GLOVES FROM THE SINK AND QUICKLY HIDES THEM.
JOYCE: (contd..) one of them fell in just as we were pouring the cement. That bit
must have got...(Norma tilts her head to one side) inflated.
NORMA: Better get it out then, before it sets. (PAUSE) Do you want me to reach
in?
JOYCE: NO! No..we wondered about leaving it as...a feature.
NORMA: It’s hardly a feature...Well its up to you. Suppose we couldn’t expect
perfection from Vernon.
NORMA GIVES ‘THE FEATURE’ A LAST SIDEWAYS LOOK. JOYCE DROPS THE CURTAIN. NORMA MAKES TO LEAVE.
NORMA: How long’s Vernon gone for?
JOYCE: Some time.
NORMA: Fancy leaving you with all this to sort out.
JOYCE: It’s OK. I know he’s here in spirit.
NORMA: You’re a saint, Joyce Stanton. A saint.
NORMA LEAVES. JOYCE PULLS BACK THE CURTAIN AGAIN.
JOYCE: Martin! Go fetch me a hacksaw.
YOU ARE READING
Houseproud - A Play
HumorA black comedy written some time ago as a short theatre play using limited sets and a very small cast. Apologies for the weird paginating I did try to correct it but after saving the changes it only looked worse! So I'm not going to fiddle with it a...
