THE SOUND OF A CEMENT MIXER CAN BE HEARD FROM BEHIND THE SCREENED OFF EXTENSION. JOYCE WHO IS WEARING HER RUBBER GLOVES IS SMOOTHING DOWN POLYTHENE SHEETING ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR. MARTIN HELPS HER. THE SOUND OF A VAN PULLING UP.
JOYCE: Know what you have to do? Remember the signal? Go when I say ‘start with the
floor’.
MARTIN: Time for my promotion.
VERNON IS SEEN PASSING THE KITCHEN WINDOW.
JOYCE: Don’t worry I’ll keep him distracted.
VERNON ENTERS. DUMPS HIS JACKET AND LUNCH BOX ON THE COUNTER AND PRISES OFF HIS MUDDY BOOTS. HE MAKES STRAIGHT FOR THE FRIDGE AND SLIPS ON THE POLYTHENE.
VERNON: Bloody hell can’t a man get a drink without breaking his bleedin’ neck.
VERNON STOPS AND SURVEYS THE KITCHEN FLOOR.
VERNON: What’s all this about? Expecting an indoor shower?
JOYCE: Just cleaning out the cupboards..stops the bits getting trodden in.
VERNON: For fuck’s sake this place is so clean you could perform operations on your
kitchen table with no risk of a super bug.....the NHS could do with you.
VERNON PULLS TWO BEERS FROM THE FRIDGE. OPENING ONE CAN HE SPILLS SOME ON THE FLOOR.
VERNON: A little spill won’t matter then.
JOYCE STOPS HERSELF FROM CLEANING UP. VERNON SITS AT THE TABLE. HE SINKS THE FIRST BEER AND LIGHTS UP A CIGARETTE. MARTIN STANDS AT THE SINK GAZING FIXEDLY OUT OF THE WINDOW WRINGING OUT A J-CLOTH. CAREFULLY HE TIES A KNOT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CLOTH AND PULLS THE LENGTH BETWEEN HIS HANDS AS IF CHECKING ITS STRENGTH.
VERNON: What’s the boy doing here? I’m not paying him to chat to you all day.
MARTIN: Just helping Mum with a bit of clearing up. She has some rubbish she
wants me to get rid of...
JOYCE SITS AT THE TABLE WITH VERNON. SHE STARTS TO TIDY THINGS ON THE TABLE THEN STOPS HERSELF.
VERNON: What’s that bleedin’ racket?
JOYCE: Vernon, about the conservatory...
VERNON: Here we go, the same old same old...
JOYCE: No. I’ve decided to get it done myself. With you and Martin’s help of
course. Thought we’d start with the floor...
MARTIN TURNS FROM THE SINK WRAPS THE J-CLOTH GARROTTE AROUND VERNON’S THROAT. VERNON STRUGGLES, MARTIN SLIPS ON THE POLYTHENE COVERED FLOOR AND THE J-CLOTH CORD SNAPS. VERNON IS FREE AND WILDLY TURNS ON MARTIN.
VERNON: You little poofter. All these years...treated you as my own...
VERNON GRABS MARTIN BY THE NECK AND AS BOTH SLIP ABOUT ON THE POLYTHENE VERNON MANAGES TO UNSTEADILY PIN MARTIN AGAINST THE WORK TOP.
JOYCE: (To the audience) ‘Never fails’ she said, ‘Trusted for centuries’. I’ll
give her Thuggee. Another job I’ll have to do myself.
JOYCE DRAWS THE LARGEST AND SHARPEST BLADE FROM HER WOODEN KNIFE BLOCK. VERNON IS STILL STRUGGLING WITH MARTIN. JOYCE HESITATES. VERNON LETS GO OF MARTIN AND TURNS TO FACE JOYCE.
VERNON: Come on love. Put it away. (PAUSE) Before someone gets hurt...that’s a
girl...
JOYCE CLUTCHES HOLD OF THE KNIFE EVEN TIGHTER.
VERNON: Think of the mess...all that blood..You know how you like things
clean...
JOYCE STARES INTENTLY AT VERNON.
JOYCE: And who made me that way? Those little tortures, small cruelties eating away
at me. Like the cancer does now...
VERNON: ...please...don’t be a silly girl...
JOYCE LUNGES AT VERNON STABBLING HIM REPEATEDLY. BLOOD COVERS JOYCE, MARTIN AND THE ROOM (RED LIGHT FLOODING THE STAGE).
BLACK OUT.
YOU ARE READING
Houseproud - A Play
HumorA black comedy written some time ago as a short theatre play using limited sets and a very small cast. Apologies for the weird paginating I did try to correct it but after saving the changes it only looked worse! So I'm not going to fiddle with it a...
