My Real Journal

November 19, 2011

Dear Journal,

I'm in shock. Complete utter shock. My mother's parents are visiting and staying with us for Thanksgivings and they don't look good. I haven't seen them in months. Maybe even close to a year. My grandmother is so skinny now. You see she was this big plump woman that has always been that way. I heard that people get like that when it's the end of the road. You know?

I can't handle losing them. Unlike my other grandparents, these ones have always been there for me. I know they care and love me. My dad has been depressed by losing his mom and now my mom maybe about to go through the same thing.

My mom just came into my room like 20 minutes ago and explained how i should cherish the days I have with her because we she returns home who knows if we will she her again.

Thinking about this makes me sick. Death scares me so much. It's the thing that I can't handle. It's my weakness. Sometimes I can't even think about the future because that adds years. Which adds up to less time.