Is It Dangerous or Just Stupid?

Chapter 24

Emi sits at the cold metal table and sighs, "I told you, it's not my fault. He grabbed me first. I told him I didn't want to fight and then he grabbed me. It was self defense!" "Self defense doesn't count as breaking a man's arm with your heel." Emi nods her head, "Yes yes it does." Hijikata rubs his temples, "What are you going to do if you can't fight your next opponent? What if he/she overpowers you?! We can't be there to protect you all the time." Emi feels tears well up in her eyes, "I'm sorry...." "Hijikata-San, stop yelling at her already. That clearly doesn't get through her head. Isn't that right, Hero?" A blush spreads across her face, "How'd you find out about that?" "I heard some stories, especially about the girl who said, "You can thank the Shinsengumi." It apparently made everyone happy." Emi buries her face into her hands and giggles, "That's so embarrassing!" Hijikata looks at Sougo, "Wait? Emi was the one to stop the ship jacking?" "Wow Hijikata-San, you really are dumb." "Who are you calling dumb Jerkaiser!" "I didn't think that name was still a thing." Emi watches the two go back and forth spitting insults at each other. She couldn't help but start to laugh. Hijikata looks at her and smirks, "What are you laughing at?" "I'm sorry, I can't help it! You guys are literally the most awkward family anyone could have!" Sougo sits on Emi, "EEP! Dammit Sougo, get off of me! You're so fat!" "Anyways, Hijikata-San, Kondo-San wants us all to go out and eat. That includes the girl underneath me." Emi suddenly feels happier, "Isao-Chan wants us all to go out and eat!? Let's go!! Come on!!" Sougo rolls his eyes as he gets up. Emi quickly stands up and grabs the two by the hands. "Wait! We aren't done with this interrogation!" Emi smiles, "Of course we are! Isao-Chan wants us to go out and eat! So we have to go out and eat!" Hijikata sighs, "Fiiiinnneee." "Yay!" Sougo chuckles as they are both dragged out of the interrogation room.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Emi happily sits at the table. Kondo sits on her left, Hijikata on her right, and Sougo across from her. Kondo smiles as he passes a plate to Emi, "I'm so glad we all got to eat together! Work has been so hectic, but now we can eat together like a happy family." "Kondo-San, aren't we a bit too dysfunctional to be a happy family?" "What do you mean, Sougo?" "Well we have a weird Mayonnaise Freak, a Gorilla, an angry female warrior, and a Sadist. And nothing we've done has been really normal." Emi smiles, "But this is the best kind of family, don't you think?" Hijikata pulls out his mayonnaise bottle and smiles, "Yeah I can say it is the best kind of family." Emi snaps her fingers, "I know now! Our family is the Shinsengumi equivalent to the Odd Jobs family!" Hijikata grimaces, "Are we getting assigned roles now!" "Well I think Isao-Chan would be like Gintoki, but you would also fit the Gintoki description." "I'm nothing like that idiot!" "And since Sougo and Kagura are both destructive then I guess they are the equivalent to each other." "Hey! I'm stronger than China." Kondo lets out a soft laugh, "Very nice family we have. Perhaps we could all have a big family meal together!" Emi giggles, "I would like that very much."
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
"Ugh, Hijikata-San. Stop putting mayonnaise all over your food." Hijikata looks at Sougo, "What the hell is wrong with mayonnaise? It is the king of all condiments! It goes good with everything." Emi grimaces, "It does not go good with everything.. Maybe just some things." Kondo looks at his plate and pushes it towards Hijikata, "Toshi, I'll try a little mayonnaise on my food! We got the same thing so perhaps it would make it taste even better!" Emi and Sougo both yell, "Kondo-San! Isao-Chan! Don't!" But it was too late, the mayonnaise was already on the plate. The two watch in horror as Kondo brings the fork to his mouth. He takes a bite and smiles, "It taste actually okay!" Emi and Sougo both sigh in relief. Then something strikes Emi. She grabs a bunch of noodles and slowly brings it to her mouth, "Oh by the way, I have a boyfriend." All three men choke on their food and watch as Emi casually eats her noodles. Hijikata wipes his mouth and clears his throat, "Uh so uh, what?!" Sougo starts laughing, "No freaking way!" Kondo clears his throat and looks at Emi, "Um for how long?" "About a week." Sougo stops laughing and looks directly at her, "Who would be dumb enough to date you?" "You'd be surprised." "Well we are surprised! So surprised that the Prince of Sadists stopped laughing." Kondo smiles, "So how serious are you two?" "He proposed." Kondo faints and falls backwards. Hijikata gets up and rushes to his side, "Kondo-San! Are you okay?!" Sougo looks slightly disturbed as he puts his chopsticks down. "Sougo what's wrong???" "Didn't I literally beat up a boy for you like yesterday?" "That was 2 years ago.... You still remember that?" Sougo nods his head.
-Cue Flashback-
"Sooouugooo!! Sougo! Sougo!" The sleeping Captain lifts up his eye mask and looks at the pouting 15 year old. "What? Didn't you see, I was taking a nap." "No one cares right now! I need your help." "With what?" Emi crosses her arms and sneers, "There this boy who won't leave me alone! Every time I go for a walk, he's out there and he follows me." "Doesn't that mean he likes you or something?" "No! It's creeping me out! He's around every corner, he'll stand in the alleyways that in going to pass. He's being a big weird pervert!" Sougo sighs, "Are you sure you want my help?" Emi nods her head. Sougo stands up and grabs his sword, "Alright let's go."