fractures

chasing

Layne

It's dark and I can barely see where I'm going. Marlene has veered off the paved sidewalks and onto a course of dirt tracks. There aren't any streetlamps here.

It's a struggle to make out her shape in front of me, but I push myself to keep up. And while chasing after her, I start to recognise the forested surroundings. Fear reaches out as an icy fist and grips my heart. We are headed to the cliff edge, or what is more commonly referred to by other teenagers in our neighbourhood as 'Death's Drop'.

I don't have good memories about this place. The last time I came here was when The Regium had cornered and chased me here and then threatened to push me off if I didn't do what they wanted me to.

Why is Marlene headed there? Does she even know that's where she's running to?

"Marlene!" I call out. "Marlene, stop!"

But she doesn't. She keeps going. If she doesn't stop soon, she'll run right off the cliff. There aren't any lights there and there aren't any railings. You literally can't see where the land ends and where the drop begins.

"Marlene!" I shout desperately. "Stop! There's a cliff ahead! Stop running!"

And just when the forest clears out into a small empty space where the edge of the cliff lies, Marlene stops abruptly. I close the distance between us by a few running leaps and stop several metres before her, gasping for breath.

"Marlene," I say in between breaths. "Don't run away from me. Tell me what's wrong."

"And you'll listen?" Marlene asks and there's so much emotion in her voice that I can't decipher.

Hopefulness? Resignation? Accusation? I know I heard those.

"Of course I'll listen," I assure her. "Just tell me."

Marlene doesn't say anything at first, instead walking closer to the cliff edge.

"What are you doing?" I ask her, afraid. "Don't go so close!"

Any step now and she'll be plummeting to her death. I start forward to drag her back, far away from the edge. But Marlene yells at me to stop.

"Don't try pulling me away! I'll jump off if you come any nearer," Marlene snaps. "Whatever you say isn't going to change my decision, but I just want to go through with it with the peace of mind that you don't hate me like they all say you do."

I am momentarily confused. There were people who said I hate her? Who? And why does she believe them? And what's this decision? Jumping off the cliff!?

"I will not let you jump off the cliff, Marlene!" I insist. "Come back here!"

I can't make out Marlene's expression in the dark, but I see her shake her head slowly.

"Do you hate me, Layne?" She asks quietly.

I'm about to say that no, I don't hate her, of course I don't. But then it hits me that once I say that, she'll go through with whatever decision she made, which by now, is clear that it's jumping off the cliff. And I can't let that happen.

"I won't answer that until you tell me what's wrong," I reply firmly.

Marlene shakes her head again, this time more vigorously. "Please, Layne, just answer it."

"No, Marlene, I'm not letting you commit suicide."

"Please," Marlene implores and I hear the desperation in her voice. "Please..."

But I stand firm. I have to. "No."

Marlene sighs and I see her shoulders slump in defeat. "Okay, fine. I'll tell you. But once I'm done, you have to answer my question."

I don't agree to that. But Marlene continues anyways.

"You want to know what's wrong? Family problems. Big ones. Ones that can never be resolved no matter how much I want it to be. Problems that caused my dad to pack his bags and leave my mum to handle everything. Problems that still chased my dad even though he left and brought him to the police station. Problems that I don't know why you aren't aware of but everyone else in school is," Marlene says, and I can tell she's trying not to cry. "Problems that will haunt me to my grave, but at least I won't be here, to deal with it. I know I shouldn't be leaving my mum as well in a time like this. I know I'm being selfish. But you don't understand, Layne, no one understands!

"Mum's always crying. She tries not to show it in front of me, but I hear her at night. I stand outside her door and I hear her crying. Dad doesn't care about us anymore. He's still going through court procedures and all that but they're 70% sure he's guilty. And he might even drag mum into jail with him and I don't want that. And his company's in a whole load of debt because of what he did and he's getting everyone else jobless he's shamed the boss so much and the boss' daughter wants my whole family dead and damn, I don't even know what to do anymore. The kids in school, after they heard what happened, they didn't just call me names, they came after me. Locked me in the toilet, destroyed my belongings, beat me up but always in places not visible to the eye, so no one would know.

"And all this time," she says, turning to look at me. "All this time, you weren't there! You were somewhere in the library with your head buried in a book, ignorant of whatever I tried to tell you! You have no idea, no idea how hurt I was..."

Marlene breaks off suddenly, starting to cry, and I can't put into words the guilt that drowns me in a tidal wave. This is what Marlene has been going through and I wasn't even there for her. I want to go forward and hug her, maybe that way she'll know how sorry I am, but the minute I take a step forward, she shuffles even closer to the edge.

"It's your turn, Layne," Marlene says between sobs.

My turn.

Whether yes or no, I'll lose my best friend.