I'll Leave You With The Outtakes // Phan

Part 4

Phil finds him like that. On his side in the shower in a pool of blood from the gash on his head, blinking at the pain and the hot liquid that is dripping down his forehead and into his eyes. Dan's breathing in shallow gasps of pain, looking dazed and only half-conscious.

A 999 call, an ambulance ride, and two hours in the A&E later and Dan has nine stitches on his forehead. Luckily the scar will be covered by his fringe. Phil doesn't stay at the hospital with Dan, so there's no one to fill in the holes in his story.

He doesn't mention his hand. He repeats endlessly something along the lines of, I tripped stepping into the shower, it was an accident, good thing my roommate found me.

He's desperate to get out of there, and go home. Dan hates hospitals, and doctors with their put-together attitudes, and nurses that seem like they've had too much caffeine. He hates the antiseptic smell, and the sad looking people, the needles, and the stark clinical atmosphere of it all. It makes Dan nervous and uncomfortable.

He doesn't want to hear what he already knows, that he's starting to become a fidgety mess. So, Dan sticks to what he wants to believe. All of his vitals are normal. It was just a freak accident.

The doctor gives him some pain meds for the gash and a warning to be more careful in the future.

-

Both he and Phil try to pretend that Dan is entirely normal. They argue like normal, avoid each other as per usual, and share cold words and silences.

He is wholly normal. Dan adjusts to the tripping, learning to catch himself whenever he starts to stumble. And actually it only takes a bit of modification, Dan has to be more mindful of his movements. How he lifts his legs when he walks, how he maneuvers his fingers when typing or playing on the PlayStation. It's adaptation, and it works.

The clumsiness spell, it seems, is over, the stitches in Dan's forehead dissolve leaving a small pink scar. He laughs about the episode during their takeover of the radio show that month.

-

It's been nearly a week with no incident, and Dan is actually excited to be seeing PJ and Chris. They're old friends and good friends. But after—well—him and Phil fractured apart, the two had become distant. Something compels Dan to call them up, and then it's going to be like old times again—banter and mild horrific innuendo. Phil actually agrees that they should all hang out.

'Hang out' turns into the Chris and PJ making an absolute horror of the kitchen in attempting to cook while slapping each other's arses and making Dan laugh so hard his sides hurt.

Phil broods from the corner of the kitchen, handing ingredients to PJ whenever he requests them, and only joining into the conversation when forced to.

"You two are just culinary masters,"Dan says sarcastically. Chris takes a mock bow, and gives a flourish with the spatula in his hand, splattering sauce on one of the cupboards.

"Thank you, thank you," PJ chimes in. Phil makes a small snorting noise. He's trying to pretend to be annoyed, but actually finding it all amusing.

"But this master chef needs a mixing bowl, a clean one, because someone--,"PJ gives Chris a pointed glare,"Spilled ribena on this one."

"It wasn't me. It was...Phil!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you say."

"Innocent until proven guilty."

Dan shakes his head at their antics, this is what he misses,"I'll just grab a clean one, calm down guys."

He reaches up into an open cupboard to find the glass bowl, expecting to hand it to PJ and make some witty comment about the state of the kitchen. Except that's not what happens, because Dan turns back around and PJ's eyes are warm and friendly but quickly go wide with what Dan identifies as panic; later, he understands perhaps it was fear.

"Dan!" And just like that PJ is above him, stepping over shards of white porcelain, and pulling him to his feet. The muscles of his hand are spasming, tremors shaking the left side of Dan's body from his awkwardly clenched fingers to his shivering left knee. That's usually a thing somebody would notice, Dan notes mentally, pressing his lips together, his brow furrowing in confusion. Dan didn't even know he was on the ground until he just was. His fingers should still when he wants them to. His leg should be able to support his weight.

The room is deathly quiet for what seems like days but is probably just a few minutes.

Phil's eyes are downcast and Chris has this stupid look of concern on his face, that kind of makes Dan want to cry but all he can do it stare at his hand and wonder why he can't force his fingers to move — surely he should be able to hold a bowl without dropping it, and step two feet without falling, right? It's surprising, because Dan's been clumsy for a while, but surely this is just another one of his incidents. It has to be. It's then that he realizes he's bleeding. The glass of the bowl leaving small slices on his hands.

Phil moves out of the corner with sudden purpose,"I'll be right back,"he says quickly. The second he leaves the room Dan yanks out of the support of PJ's grip, and has his back pressed against the cabinets. They're talking, they're both talking to him, but Dan's suddenly looking at the world through a haze. He doesn't know what's happening, and he's just as confused as he is scared. His legs give out, this time by choice, and Dan sinks slowly to the floor. This is a dream. It has to be a dream.

Phil returns holding first aid kit, crouching down and saying something to Dan. Something that's soupy and incomprehendable to Dan's ears. He takes Dan's left hand first, pulling the glass shards out of his skin, then putting plasters over the bigger of the cuts. Phil is being absurdly gentle and caring—Dan's even more terrified by that than by anything else. Because not only Phil but PJ and Chris—they're all looking at him like something's wrong.

"Did you trip?" PJ asks simply.

Dan blinks at him,"No. I just..." He doesn't know how to explain, because the more he considers it the crazier it sounds. "I just—Phil will tell you—I'm clumsy."

"But you didn't trip,"Phil repeats it this time. Dan's mouth is too dry, and this is starting to feel like an interrogation,"I thought your hands were just tired from the book signings. Or that you were stumbling—in the shower...that was an accident wasn't it?"

He doesn't answer. It's not right, Phil acting like this with him isn't right. His blue eyes look so goddamn worried.

"Wasn't it, Dan?"

"I—my hand it just—doesn't listen."

"What do you mean,"Chris asks darkly.

"I can't control it." Phil steps back quickly, his hand suddenly over his mouth. Dan doesn't get why.

"God,"Phil mumbles,"Oh god." He backs away, shaking his head, and finally turning and nearly running out of the room. Dan's breath hitches in his throat, and suddenly—he wants to cry. There's something wrong with him.

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