I'll Leave You With The Outtakes // Phan

Part 15

Last year, they spent Valentine's Day avoiding each other, Dan had consoled himself in a bottle of wine and cat videos, Phil in ribena and Buffy. Both of them equally miserable. Both of them thinking of Valentine's past. Ones filled with baking and chocolate, gift giving, giggles, and love making.

"Happy Valentine's Day,"Phil had said at some point that evening and Dan had merely glared at him in response. They were supposed to be ignoring the holiday, apparently. 

This year, they spend it in their flat. And it's almost like old times.

They fuck, because Dan says he wants to. Says it's on his list. A list he won't let Phil read, but keeps referring to.  Phil wonders if he's someone on the list in reference to sex, or if it's just the act itself that Dan wants. He thinks it's a bad idea at first, a very bad idea. But Dan is practically begging for it. Pressing hot kisses down Phil's neck, murmuring into his ear about the things he wants Phil to do.

So, Phil gives in after making Dan promise to please tell me to stop if you get too tired.

"God, you're gorgeous,"Phil murmurs, hands running through the mussed and slightly curly hair at the top of Dan's scalp. He likes it like this, when it's starting to return to its hobbit form. "So gorgeous,"he repeats,"I love you, love you so much. You're just so beautiful, bear."

Phil knows he's saying the same things over and over, but Dan doesn't seem to mind. He just arches up into Phil's touch, moaning, "Fuck, yes, more."

Here, propped up above Dan who's gasping and writhing beneath him, in-taking breath sharply when Phil sucks at the skin on his neck and tilting his head back to expose his throat to Phil like he's begging for Phil to draw lines of love marks, Phil can almost believe that everything might be okay. Or, at the very least, he can pretend.

Dan's been so different lately, things changing so fast, that it's weird to see him like this. Like he's normal. No fine motor movements in his hands are needed, he's not walking. He looks like Dan should look, but still Phil feels like he's touching glass. Porcelain beneath his hands instead of skin, maybe his thrusts are too rough, maybe he's doing something wrong. But the reassurances pour from Dan's lips in incoherent noises and rambling words.

It's all over too fast, Phil almost wants to cry at how perfect Dan is. What a sight it is to watch him fall to pieces under Phil's hands. He collapses back on the sheets with Dan in his arms, all soft and warm and pliant.

"Happy Valentine's Day, bear,"Phil mumbles, voice thick with exhaustion and he's too happy to feel anything else right now.

"Love you,"Dan hums, pressing his forehead against Phil's and closing his eyes.

Later, they fall asleep on the couch, basking in the cool glow of television screen light and the sound of the Ouran High School Host Club theme song.

-

Chris and PJ's smiles are almost painful they're so jubilant. Painted on, grotesque.  They're all squished together on the couch, it's nice, having someone else push the conversation to light topics.

They're all touching him in some way, as if Dan's some kind of shrine. Phil's got his hand, playing with his fingers and squeezing occasionally, reminding Dan that he's there. Still holding on. Chris's hip and knee are pressed against Dan's, a stable kind of warmth. PJ is more handsy, periodically fooling with Dan's hair or the fringe of his jumper, or poking him playfully. Dan can't bring himself to be annoyed.

When, later, as they step through the doorway leading into PJ's kitchen, Chris clears his throat loudly and glances above their heads.

"Is that—?"

"Mistletoe,"Chris confirms.

"It's thirteen degrees outside!"

PJ just grins,"It's the best way to get this dickhead to kiss me."

"But,"Phil continues incredulously,"It's Apr—."

But Dan's lips cut him off, hot and insistent, before he can finish. Phil's pretty sure that PJ and Chris grin at each other. He's also surprised, that Dan did that. Not that they were purposely trying to hide—but after the all of it—he didn't expect to find Dan so comfortable with public displays of affection.

In front of friends.

In front of strangers.

In front of cameras.

-