Silent

20| Sweet Endings

All of us waited rather impatiently and worriedly to know how Cameron was faring. However, he was still in surgery and there hadn't been enough time for any doctor to explain what was happening. Cameron's mom had tears falling down her face and she didn't even care enough to notice them. Cameron's dad had vanished off outside a few moments ago, citing need for fresh air, but I knew that he just didn't know what to do. It was frustrating- we didn't even know how much chance Cameron had of even... surviving.

And I was stuck in that waiting room, trying to be strong for everyone. I didn't really see anything and just vaguely noticed what was happening around me. A nurse had checked up on me as well and said that I was just in shock, and that was the reason I wasn't reacting so strongly.

To be honest, I just felt like it was all a dream and I would soon wake up. It didn't feel like Cameron was in surgery and it certainly didn't feel like anything bad could happen to him, of all people. He was Cameron for god's sake. He was too special. He'd be just fine. Why was everyone so worried about him?

"Dar, how're you feeling now?" Derrick asked me quietly, turning towards me. His eyes were rather concerned, and looked too tired. His scowl was missing, but so was his smile. It was as if he didn't know how to cope with this. I shrugged not knowing how to exactly convey that I felt like I should laugh because it all seemed like a huge joke to me.

It was so sudden that I do not know how I didn't miss it. It all seems so vague now. I should've known. Why do I never know?

There was sudden shout from Cameron's room. We all looked up worriedly, but the surgery door remained closed. Derrick squeezed my hand comfortingly. Cameron's mom's tears had dried up, and she just looked lost now. Bewildered. Afraid. Her husband was still missing, roaming outside.

It was quiet then after. And then a doctor came out. From the look in her eyes, I knew what the news was going to be.

And I knew my heart was breaking, crumbling into tiny particles. And yet I still couldn't believe it. I felt like I was reliving past, like when that police inspector had told me my parent were no more.

And I still couldn't believe it, I had to heard it from the doctor herself.

"I'm sorry.... but he's.... gone to a better place."

And my world crumbled. My Cameron, with his beautiful scar, his bright smile. I wanted him so much, I wanted him back, it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all.

I howled. I howled so badly, I screamed, I cursed, I sobbed, I stopped fucking caring whether I was speaking of not. I didn't goddamn care. I wanted my special boy back, I wanted Cameron back, I wanted him to hold me again, just the way he used to, I wanted someone to dance with me again, I wanted someone got give me their shirt, I wanted someone to take care of me, I wanted Cameron back again, goddamn it. I just wanted Cameron back.

It just hurt so much.

I wanted him back. It wasn't fair. Why wasn't it ever fair?

Derrick held me in his arms, and I buried my face into his shirt, my hands still beating against his chest. His silent hot tears fell on my head, and mine soaked his shirt, my shrill screams and sobs suffocated into his shirt. And we cried and cried and cried and cried. But it still didn't grow better.

I just wanted Cameron back. He was too special to be gone. How were we supposed to be angry, mute and special if he wasn't there? It just wasn't possible.

Where was my special boy when I needed him?