Silent

31| When It Was The Right Thing To Do.

Julie and I were sitting together in a cafe, having a bonding session via lunch.
"So Darlene, tell me about your friends," she asked me politely. I stared right back at her for a minute before shrugging and looking at the table. It was quiet again.

"You're so lucky to have David as your brother," Julie said, yet again. I nodded absentmindedly, not wanting to add. It was quiet yet again.

"Your dress is so pretty," Julie tried again.
Thanks, I mouthed back.
"Where did you buy it from?"
I don't remember, I shrugged. It was quiet again.

Julie took in a deep breathe.
"Darlene, there is something that I want to ask you," she said seriously. I looked up at her, her face devoid of it's usual smile, her eyes big and serious.

"I just- I feel like you don't like me. Or something. Like you don't want me here. And maybe this is true, maybe it's not, but you are hostile to me- I think even you'll agree to that," Julie looked at me expectantly. I didn't know how to react to that. Should I exclaim no or admit to it? Or should I reassure her that it's not true or try and tell her that I'll try harder to accept her? Which one of these would make sure David wouldn't be mad at me?

Luckily we were interrupted by sound of my phone ringing. Jesse.
This is important, I mouthed to Julie apologetically, glad that there was something that could lay off the inevitable.
"Dar," he breathed against the phone. It felt so familiar, I smiled.
"Hello," I whispered back. I was getting better, I could whisper without feeling the need to check my surroundings all the time. I could whisper without my knees shaking so much that it was visible. I was proud of myself.

"We had a fight Dar. A fight over you," Jesse said. It was silent for a few seconds as I tried to think of what to say. What could I say? Why were you fighting over me? Why were you fighting at all? I'm so sorry? It's going to be okay? I'm here for both of you? What?

It was already weird how I knew he was talking about him and Lois.

"Oh," I whispered back softly.
"She thinks," Jesse's voice broke with a laugh- a hysterical kind that I was too familiar with,"she thinks that I might have some unresolved feelings for you."

Again, he waited for me to say something, but I couldn't even think of a single word. All I could feel was nervousness and guiltiness and a tiny bit of excitement.

"At first I told her no. I told her that I like her very much, and that I had moved on. I really believed that Darlene," Jesse continued when he realised that I wasn't going to say anything. "But she kept on asking me. And I don't even know the stuff she's been through. She's so fragile. Yet she's so strong- I feel like she doesn't even need me. I feel like she doesn't even want me to know- like she doesn't care about me as much as I care about her. And the way she kept on pushing me after you- I don't know. Maybe I really do like you."

Oh lord, this was it. This was it. I looked around panicked, and caught Julie's gaze. She must have realised that something was on, she must have. Because that only makes sense for what she said next.
"Do the right thing Darlene. I know you will," she said quietly. But she was so confident in saying that, so fucking confident. I felt like I would do the right thing. Of course, I had to do the right thing, there was no other way.

I do regret it sometimes now.

"Jesse. Remember when you told me about her eyes?" I asked him softly, wondering how his beautiful blue eyes would be looking right now.
"Yeah," he said.
"Remember how you told me she was the best thing that had happened to you?"
"Yes."
"So tell me," I said, my voice wavering a bit, "tell me, do you not love her?"

He was quiet for a few seconds.
"Yes," he said at last, exhaling. "Yes. I do love her."
I nodded, forgetting that he couldn't see me.
"Then?"
"Thank you Arely. Thank you," he said, cutting the call.

Curiously, I didn't feel anything then, it was only after a few hours that I sat down and sobbed my heart out.

But something changed between Julie and me in that moment. Maybe my respect grew for her. Maybe her respect grew for me. But something did change, and while we may never be on the best of terms, something did change for the better.

We were tolerant. Throughout the meal, she told me about David, she told me about her life. She did ask me about my life, but she didn't press me for more details.

And that night when I got home, I had a message from Lois as well.

I don't know what you did Darlene, but thank you.

And that made me cry a whole lot more. That was when I finally realised that maybe Julie was wrong. Maybe I wouldn't have done the right thing. Maybe it would have made me feel better.

Maybe life would've been different.

But I chose the road not taken, and that has made all the difference.
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Hello!
Yeah, author's note after such a long time lol. I know this chapter was very very very small. But I didn't want to put in anything else in it.

It is complete as it is lol.

Also, the book is coming to an end soon- so yeah. Just a few more chapter- 3 or 4 I think. It might take more or less lol, never know. Maybe more.

We'll see hahaha.

Xoxo
Queen B.