I was a Mistake

Seeing My Best Friend

After the men left, I was met with an intense wave of exhaustion. A throbbing pain had settled in between my eyebrows and my thigh ached. The doctor had decided I would take pain medication in pill form so as not to form a reliance on any of my pain relievers. I didn't care what I took as long as the pain went away. I went to bed soon after the nurse handed me the pill.

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I was back in the basement. I could hear arguing behind the door, words consisting of curses and my name. I was laying on my training bed with layers of shirts, in too much pain to move.

With a slam of the door on the wall, I found Momma at the top of the stairs. Her eyes were wide, filled with rage, murderous. Her hands twitched at her sides. "Oh Eden, when will you learn?" she said, her voice snakelike and sinister. She started down the steps, etching her way to me.

I wanted to get up. I tried to get up. My body refused to move.

Momma moved toward me in slow motion with a menacing smile on her face. "You'll learn someday. I should have killed you."

Her steps were thunderous and she got faster as she walked towards me. I whimpered, I cried, I moaned, but I could not speak. When she got to me she put her fingers around my throat and squeezed. My airway was blocked, I could not fight, I could not breathe. I tried to scream, I thrashed, I cried.

"You'll die. How does it feel to be helpless? To not know how to survive? This is how I felt when you made my husband leave. Everything I've ever done to you is your fault alone."

Painful bursts of panic shot through my closed lips. I tried to bring air into my lungs, watching the black dots parade over my eyes. I prayed, looked to the skies and begged whoever was looking down to take her bruising fingers away.

My vision went black. Everything slowed down. I gasped for breath to no avail...

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I shot up in bed, gasping for the breath I had lost in my dream. Mr. and Mrs. Winters were by my side instantly, fussing over me and doing what they could to calm me down. Mrs. Winters wrapped her thin arms around me and I sobbed into her shoulder, shaking with unkempt terror. "It was only a dream. It was only a dream," she cooed into my ear.

I shook my head vehemently. I knew it was only a dream, but I had experienced the pain before. I knew what it felt like to have my mother's hands wrapped around my neck, trying to squeeze the life out of me. I knew what it felt like to hurt so bad, I was afraid to move. I knew what it felt like to be so scared of my mother, I wished for death to escape her malice.

My tears continued and I worried they'd never stop. Everything was catching up, I could no longer ignore what I had to do to get myself out of the hands of my mother. I had to tell my story so I would never have to live in that basement again. Mrs. Winters climbed onto my bed and pulled me to her. She wrapped her arms around my body and I relaxed into her. She whispered softly into my ear, "You are brave, you are strong, you are safe, baby girl."

    After an hour in Mrs. Winters' arms, watching tv and feeling the vibrations of her voice speaking to her husband from my head on her chest, Mr. Winters grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. "How would you like to see Noah, Eden?" he suggested. A smile found its way onto my face and I squeezed his hand. "Gigi is going to bring Noah, Isaiah, and Joseph here as soon as we tell them you're ready."

    Gigi was my favorite extended family member of Noah's. She treated me as her own and I hoped she'd stop for a visit, too. I could hardly hide my excitement and wiggled in Mrs. Winters' arms. She giggled. "I'd say she's ready now! I know Noah will be relieved to see you."