I was a Mistake

"Daddy" Missed You

Summer Senior Year

"Hey, Edie," Momma began. "I got a phone call today, baby girl." She took a seat beside me on the couch and wrapped her arms around my body, raking a comforting hand through my hair. I could feel her fidgety and shaking hand on my shoulders and the panic in her voice was unmistakable.

I put my book I was reading down on the couch beside me and looked up into my Momma's fearful eyes. I could see pain and worry etched into her forehead. "Who called you, Momma?" I whispered, worried to hear the answer.

"A man named Adam, sweetheart. He said he was your mother's husband," Momma said. Her face now held confusion and anxiety. "He said he was your father," she whispered the last bit like she was afraid to hear it again.

I giggled. I couldn't help it. "No, Adam wasn't my father. Even if he was, he lost the right to call himself that when he left me at three years old," I assured. She grabbed my hand. "Papa's my father, regardless of blood."

"I know, baby. But this Adam guy... He insists on seeing you! He's so adamant, I feel like I can't deny him."

I found it odd that Adam was trying to contact me after so many years. I had grown up burdened with pain and confusion, wondering why the man was able to leave me without so much as a look back. I thought about what it would be like to see him. I barely remembered what Adam looked like. Did I want to see him?

Yes, he had abandoned me, but did he know about the abuse? Had he known what he had left me with? I felt like I barely knew the man, how could he claim to be my father?

I grabbed a strand of my hair and twisted, pulling absentmindedly.

"Do I have to, Momma? I don't even know how this works! Does he know what I've been through without him?"

"You know I would never make you do anything. And I'd never let you step foot near him without one of us by your side. However, I feel like this could help you get some answers, discover more about yourself that we can't tell you. I just wanted to let you know so you could think about it."

With that, she kissed my head one more time and left me in my thoughts.

I did want answers. But how could I face the man who walked out on me?

How could I face the man that caused me so much pain?

❃❃❃

Adam was in my house. Adam was in my comfort zone. Adam looked old.

"Eden, it's so good to see you, honey. I've missed you so much."

I shivered. His hair was white and he was balding in quite a few places. His face had wrinkled and looked like a leather couch a cat had scratched at. His brown eyes tried to portray a man that cared.

I wasn't buying it.

"Yeah, it must be weird seeing me after almost fourteen years," I sassed.

He visibly winced, I inwardly cheered. I felt like he deserved to feel uncomfortable. Momma and Papa held my hands on either side of me on the couch. Noah sat on the lounge chair, glaring at the man who suddenly claimed to be my father.

"I always found it weird that when the twins would come to visit, they never mentioned you," Adam mused. "I was so angry then, Eden. I should have never left you there."

"But you had to have known," I croaked. "What kind of brother or sister doesn't mention their baby sister at home? You never saw me when you came to pick them up, my birth mother never brought me when she dropped them off. You weren't even curious enough to ask around about the girl that was yours for three years of her life?"

"Frankly, I didn't consider you my business," Adam revealed. "It wasn't my place to ask." I shrunk into the couch, pain erupting in my chest.

"But you used to call me your princess... I thought I was your little girl?" I whimpered, not caring how weak I sounded. I needed to know why this man abandoned me.

"When I found out you weren't really mine, I had a hard time considering you as that. I wasn't strong enough to love another man's baby."

"But it wasn't hard when you didn't know I wasn't yours? It wasn't like I knew any better. It wasn't like I would have loved you any less," I uttered. Tears welled up in my eyes and I begged for once, just don't cry.

"I know that, Eden. I've always known that. But I was too prideful to continue acting like a perfect family. I couldn't love you, and treat you right, and think of you as anything other than a mistake."

That caused my family to erupt into angry shouts.

"Don't you dare call her that," Momma shouted. "I didn't agree for you to come here to hurl insults at my daughter."

"I know that, ma'am, and I promise that's not what I'm trying to do. I want a chance to show Eden I could make it up to her. I want her to see that I could be a great friend to her if she'd give me a chance."

"I don't even know who you are anymore, Adam," I told him with a glare. "I know the man my birth mother painted you out to be. I know the man that left me in that house after she told you I was in the basement. I know the man that refused to attend my trial when he discovered I was horribly abused. I was three years old when you left me. I was three years old when that woman began to abuse me. I tried to hold onto the man you used to be, but now I can only see you as a monster," I ranted. I was shaking, feeling my breath escape me too fast, signaling a panic attack.

"Eden," he spoke to me like I was a child. Did he still see me as that three-year-old he abandoned? "All I ask is for you to have dinner with me. To get to know me. I want to get to know you again. After all, I really don't know the woman you've become, where you plan to attend college, your love life."

Noah audibly growled at Adam. He sneered at my boyfriend with a face that seemed to say you won't be her boyfriend for long. This man disgusted me. I could tell my family was feeling the same.

"I'll think about it," I quavered. "But you'd have to understand why this would be hard for me. Even after all these years, when you claim to want to become close, you still manage to insult me. I'm sure we'll talk soon."

Adam huffed and tried to smile. "Of course, honey. Please keep in touch." He left with a forced hug, leaving me shaking and angry. If he really knew me, he'd know I was wary of strangers touching me. But of course, he was just that, a stranger.

❃❃❃

"Well I don't like him, Edith," Noah said while shooting hoops in the driveway. I was curled up in a lawn chair, reading.

"I don't like him either, Noah," I huffed. "But what if his intentions are good? What if he wants to create a relationship with a person that could be like a daughter to him?"

"As far as I'm concerned, Dad is as much your father as he is mine. Why do you need another one?"

I had caught myself wondering the same thing. "Maybe it's because if one thing from that part of my life turned into something good, I could finally stop dwelling on the past."

Noah stopped dribbling and came to kneel in front of the lawn chair. "If this is really what you want, all of us will stand behind you."

"I'm not trying to find a new father, Noah. I already have a perfect family. I just want some kind of closure, some kind of happy ending to my old life, you know? Maybe this could be my way of obtaining that," I said. I sure hoped so. I was tired of fearing the past, reliving those memories every night in my dreams.

Noah's lips turned up in a small smile and pecked me on the lips. "Well, I'll do all I can to help you out, my love."

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