I was a Mistake

Vacation

Three Years Later

Summer Vacation

"Edie, it's just a plane ride," Isaiah murmured. I tried to ignore him. He wasn't helping.

Just breathe, stupid. You're going to pass out and make yourself look even crazier than you already do. There are not that many people here. They aren't even looking at you.

"We've gone on vacation for two years now on a plane, Eden. Why are you scared?" Zeke sat in front of me with Jenna beside Momma and Papa Winters. They each looked at my tear flooded face with curiosity and concern. I turned so they couldn't see me, embarrassed.

Yeah! Why are you scared now, you big baby?, my mind tried to convince me I was fine.

"Yeah, pumpkin, we're all here to protect you anyway," Joseph consoled and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. I wanted to shake it off but knew it would hurt his feelings.

You don't need people to protect you, anyway. What are you going to do when they aren't here anymore? You can't just freak out because there are too many people in one place, you dumb freak.

"Shut up, guys! All of you! She's not afraid of the plane! Can't you see how many people are here?" Noah pulled me to his side and coached me into taking big breaths.

I tried to breathe evenly. I knew that if I didn't, I could pass out, like that embarrassing time at school last Fall. Shuddering breaths blew out of my mouth in dog-like pants. Tears fell from my eyes like a broken dam. I clung to Noah. But there were too many people at this airport. Too many faces I didn't know with minds I couldn't see into. I couldn't tell if they wanted to hit me. I couldn't tell if their hands could grab me. I couldn't feel if they were kind or hateful.

I didn't know why a panic attack was hitting me now. I never did. But the fear consumed me, making me scared that my new family wouldn't be able to protect me forever. And people were looking. They could see me. They watched me cry and shake and pant, and deep down I knew they were just worried, but my anxious mind saw them as threats.

"Edith," Noah whispered in my ear, quiet enough so that I was the only one that could hear him, "Look at me."

I was ashamed. I looked at my knees pulled close to my chest. Noah put his finger under my chin and pulled it to look at him. I stared into my best friend's eyes and the fear I felt died down. I knew he was there for me. I could see the need to keep me safe in his baby blue eyes.

"These people are doing the same thing you are. They're trying to get on a plane to go somewhere else. They aren't here to hurt you, Ed. Nobody here wants to hurt you." Noah spoke quietly, but his deep voice gave me shivers.

My shoulders relaxed. My breath slowed down. Noah always knew what to say.

"Besides," he continued, pecking my nose. "Why would anybody try to get to you when they'd have to go through all of us?" He had a cocky smile on his face and it made me giggle, the effects of my panic attack only slightly there. Noah made a show of baring his arm muscles.

Noah had taken up football in his middle school years. Turns out, he was really good at it. His brothers also played in high school and had taken it upon themselves to turn him into the "best running back he could possibly be". As such, he had grown in length and width, traits that made him twenty times more attractive to my already enamored brain.

We were in the departure lounge, waiting to board the plane to Hawaii. My foster family sat in a circle, still trying to make sure I felt safe. I was mortified by my panic attack. The Winters knew to just pretend like nothing happened, but I couldn't help feeling like I was ruining the start of their trip just by being there.