Colors (bxb) [DISCONTINUED]

hopelessly falling

"Always do what you are afraid to do."

🔵🔴⚫️⚪️🔘

"Can you believe that this is happening?!" Tyrese asks incredulously, swiftly looking through his closet. "A party! A freaking party! When was the last time that we've ever been invited to a party?"

My typically carefree friend is basically having a panic attack, and I have no idea what to do. I just sit at the end of his bed, staring at my white nails, biting the bottom of my lip to keep from screaming. Not in excitement, though; unlike Tyrese, who's so happy that he might actually explode, there's nothing but a seed of dread planted in my throat.

I don't like parties. I hate parties, if I were to be perfectly honest. The massive crowd of people, the overwhelmingly loud music, the suffocating smell of cologne and perfume . . . I just can't understand how people sincerely enjoy going to places like that.

And let's not forget the hormones. High school students are notorious for getting wasted and having one-night-stands with each other at these parties, and that is something that I cannot participate in for a multitude of reasons. One reason being that I'm gay and in the closet - so if there's a girl hitting on me, and I don't end up at least making out with her, Tyrese and everyone else will see and . . . and I don't know.

I'm just scared. Scared of being found out, scared of everyone seeing me for who I truly am and loathing me.

But that's not even the worst part. Because of my destabilizing chromesthesia, the excruciatingly loud noise of the party will almost be enough to kill me. That's far too many colors, and far too much of a headache. The last time that I went to a party, I got so sick that I had to puke in the bathroom! It was either that or me fainting from the over-stimuli.

So, long story short, parties are just not for me. Not at all.

Maybe if you weren't a freak, you'd get to enjoy yourself like every other teenager at school. But no, you just have to be a stupid gay guy that sees colors in the air.

And that complicates everything.

"Do you think that Stephany will be there?" Tyrese asks me, his loud voice thankfully taking me out of my thoughts. "Wait, that's a stupid question. Of course she will. She goes to every party. Dude, Stephany and I will be at the same party!"

"That's so great," I mumble sarcastically, still looking at my nails, hiding my rampaging emotions behind an indifferent façade.

Tyrese suddenly stops pushing his clothes around, and I look up to see him frowning at me. "Come on," he says, stepping towards me. "What's up? Why are you being such a downer?"

I shrug, not knowing what to say, even though the words are practically punching themselves out of my throat. What's up? Why am I being such a downer? Because life sucks, and I can't have any fun because my brain is fucked up, and my dick is fucked up, and I'll never be happy. I can't go to this party because I won't be able to flirt with any girls, and you will see that I'm nothing but a fruit-basket, and then you'll abandon me, and then Ava will abandon me, and Tamara will abandon me, and Jordan will abandon me, and Mason will tease me, and the entire school will bully me, and my family will ostracize me, and Justin . . .

Justin . . .

I painfully swallow down the words, wincing at the taste of misery that floods my senses. "I'm fine," I say, sighing. "Just tired. And worried that I might not be able to go because of my chromesthesia."

And Justin. Out of everyone, you're most worried about what Justin will think of you. Is he alright with gay people? Doubtful. Will he be alright knowing that you see actual colors floating around? Doubtful. What about if you don't come to the party? What would he think about that?