Colors (bxb) [DISCONTINUED]

bombshell

"Be free."

🔵🔴⚫️⚪️🔘

For the second time, I wake up comfortably in Justin's bed. I've never been more comfortable, actually; even in sleep, his arms are still wrapped around me, and our legs are practically intertwined. If I wasn't just waking up, and the events of last night weren't still bouncing around in my head, I'd probably think this were a dream — and I'd probably scream.

Thankfully, I don't scream, though the scene is a bit too cute for me to fully process.

His soft breath tickles the back of my neck, causing me to squirm a little. With a smile, I gently slide out of his grip to turn around and look at him. The sunlight coming from the window hits me square in the face, but that doesn't hold a candle to the radiance that is Justin Reynolds.

So cute, I can't help but think as I stare at his sleeping face. His black hair is an intricate mess of waves and curls, and I suddenly feel the urge to run my hands through them. For some reason, his eyebrows are furrowed — but not in an unnerving way. It just looks adorable, honestly. Everything about Justin is simply captivating, from the way he sleeps to the way he eats. I can't get enough of looking at him.

Eventually, I tear my eyes away and force myself out of bed. He groans a little at the movement, now finding a pillow to hold, but otherwise stays asleep. I smile. Something about this feels good, right. It's almost as if the sad events of last night never even happened. As long as I continue to be around Justin, I can convince myself that everything is okay, and that my life will finally be continuing for the better.

As I grab some clothes and head into the shower, my brain latches onto that thought, and a group of pros and cons weigh in on my mind.

One pro being that Justin and I are officially dating, something that I could've only dreamed of happening. Good things don't happen to me very often, but this somehow makes up for the sixteen years of pain I've had to endure. Not only are we dating emotionally, but we also seem to be dating very sexually. Last night was a mix of tears and panic and kissing and kissing and grinding and kissing and . . . Well, the point has been made. It took a lot for us to keep it quiet; Justin's mom is still a living resident, unfortunately.

Still, it's almost as if Justin has been wanting me for as long and as much as I've wanted him — which is preposterous, because it's me. But Justin being my boyfriend was also preposterous, and look at what's happening now. It seems that the unbelievable might actually be becoming a bit believable.

A con, though, is the whole ordeal with Robin Newfield. The best way for me to deal with that, I believe, is to simply distance myself, both mentally and physically. I cannot continue thinking about him, because it'll eventually start to show, and I don't think Justin will take too kindly to me thinking so much about a guy he seems to really dislike. Besides, I just don't know how I could solve that problem. Forcing myself to be around him won't help any; he'll probably just want to punch me in the face.

He has every right to want that, honestly. I lead him on. I did. The more I keep trying to justify my actions, the more terrible I'll feel — and the less closure we'll eventually have. I want us to have closure. I don't want Robin and I to end up like how he and Stephany are. We don't have to be friends, but I don't want there to be any bad blood between us. I truly don't.

. . . I just didn't think it'd end up this way. My plan was ruined the moment that Justin and I kissed that Friday night. I was planning on using Robin to force Justin into revealing however he feels for me; I wasn't planning on Justin to jump the gun and kiss me before the actual date. After that happened, I didn't really have anymore use for him, and so I can see why Robin must've felt frustrated with how distant and uncomfortable I was acting.