Colors (bxb) [DISCONTINUED]

regret

"You never know what you have until you lose it, and once you've lost it, you can never get it back . . ."

🔵🔴⚫️⚪️🔘

I don't like coffee.

It's either too bitter or too sweet; there is no in-between with me. And even when I do manage to drink some, it never manages to wake me up, the one thing it's actually meant to do. So all in all, coffee isn't exactly my favorite beverage.

So why am I inside of a coffee shop with Mason Underwood?

I don't remember the name of the place; my mind was far too preoccupied with negative thoughts to give much care to the exact place that I was walking into. It feels really chilly in here - or maybe that's just my nerves, rattling against my body so much that I'm trembling. The tables are small and circular, while the chairs are oversized and leathery. Weird, but rich people are typically weird. I've stopped questioning them a long time ago.

A soothing song plays on the speakers; my chromesthesia is pleased by this noise, as waves of blue slowly float around the café. There are a few adults sitting around, most of them in stuffy suits and ties. They don't bother looking at us, or to wonder why we aren't in school. I wouldn't either, if I were them.

"Feeling comfy?" Mason asks, his voice light and airy.

Somehow, through my trembling body, I manage to shrug. "Y-Yeah."

I don't look at his face as I answer. I'm far too embarrassed, far too scared of what he's about to say - or do. Why did he really bring me here? Is this some sort of prank? Are his friends about to pop up and laugh at me? Now that I've outed myself, this is Mason's perfect opportunity to burn me.

And this time, I don't think I'll be able to shrug it off. Not anymore.

This time, if he were to do something, it'd hurt. Because I . . . I told him that I'm gay. I actually told Mason Underwood that I'm gay. I regretted it automatically, but the point is that I trusted him long enough to actually reveal the one thing that scratches at the metaphorical walls of my soul. And for him to gain that trust . . . and then instantly betray me . . .

I honestly don't know how I'd react. I can't think of anything worse.

From the corner of my eye, I see Mason smile a little. But then that smile slips away, and his eyes flash in emotion unknown. I don't know what that means - but honestly, I don't want to know. I just want . . . I honestly just want to go back in time, and find somewhere else to cry at. That way, Mason would have never found me, and I would've never told him my deepest secret, and I wouldn't be here right now contemplating the best way to kill myself if something is to go amiss.

"Nice hickey," he says, his voice still annoyingly airy. "Who'd you get it from?"

My neck burns at the mention of the dark blemish; I almost managed to forget about the start of today's turmoil. Robin wiping the makeup off of my neck, revealing the marking that he possessively gave me. It was as if everything changed at that precise moment.

I should be angry at him, but I'm not. Not really. Or maybe I am, and I just haven't had time to focus on it yet. There are far too many emotions bubbling beneath my surface, far too many people that they're directed towards; I simply don't have the mental energy to think about the boy who almost stole my virginity.

"Robin," I answer, the name falling off my tongue like water. I could have swallowed it down and told another lie; I could have simply refused to answer. But instead, I'm actually . . . telling Mason Underwood everything he wants - and doesn't want - to know.