broodings

THIS IS A BATTLE YOU CAN'T LOSE.

this is angsty as hell and has lots of swearing + gory descriptions so if you are a small child or scared easily or offended by swearing leave now.

plutonyte 's tear inducing earth shattering spell breaking 'this is war' from her book 'epiphanies' inspired this bombshell (how appropriate, considering this is about wars) however, this is more actual real life war rather than mental war (which is how i interpreted hers) and also it's more YOU HAVE TO SURVIVE than hers so idk

im rambling now imma shut the hell up

BLOOD, SCREAMS, SHOUTS, THIS IS A BATTLE YOU CAN'T LOSE, AND IT FUCKING HURTS, CRAWL, SHOOT, DUCK, DUCK, SHRAPNEL FLIES EVERYWHERE AS YOUR COMRADE STEPS ON A MINE, DON'T CRY WHEN SHE FALLS, SHOOT THEM DOWN, HIDE, THIS IS A COWARD'S WAR, AND OH GOD YOU WANT TO GIVE UP, GO HOME, LET EVERYTHING SORT ITSELF OUT, BUT THIS IS A BATTLE YOU CAN'T LOSE, BLOOD, GUNSHOTS, SHRAPNEL, BATTLE CRIES, TEARS STREAKING THROUGH THE DUST CAKED LIKE MAKEUP ON YOUR FACES, THIS IS A COWARD'S WAR, AND MAYBE YOU'RE TERRIFIED AND MAYBE YOU DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE FIGHTING OR WHO YOU'RE FIGHTING BUT YOU HAVE A FAMILY SIX THOUSAND MILES AWAY WHO MISS YOU SO THIS IS A BATTLE YOU CAN'T LOSE AND THIS IS A FIGHT TO THE DEATH, TO THE VERY LAST GUNSHOT AND SCREAM AND SHOUT AND THE VERY LAST BROKEN BONE AND BRUISED EYE AND SHREDDED ARTERY AND THE VERY LAST PRAYER AND THE VERY LAST WHISPER OF LOVE, AND FUCK, THIS IS A BATTLE YOU CAN'T LOSE. CRAWL UNTIL ALL YOUR BONES BREAK AND THE MARROW SEEPS OUT AND YOU'VE LOST ALL YOUR BLOOD AND KEEP CRAWLING, KEEP FUCKING CRAWLING. AND NOW THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE, ON YOUR LIPS, YOUR FACE, MIXING WITH YOUR TEARS, IN YOUR HAIR, ON YOUR BACK, ON YOUR THIGHS, SCARLET AGAINST YOUR DIRT SMUDGED SKIN, BUT KEEP GOING. GULP DOWN AIR WHENEVER IT APPEARS, YOU NEVER KNOW, THIS BREATH MIGHT BE YOUR LAST, BUT THIS IS A BATTLE YOU CAN'T LOSE, SO IT CAN'T BE YOUR LAST.  NOW, SOLDIER, KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, CHIN HIGH, SHOULDERS BACK, EVEN AS THEY STEP ON YOUR BACKS AND GRIND YOU DOWN UNDER THEIR HEELS AND DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE BOW YOUR HEAD, SOLDIER. YOU WILL WIN THIS WAR, BECAUSE THIS IS A BATTLE YOU CAN'T LOSE. THIS IS HELL ON FUCKING EARTH BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FEEL ANY OF YOUR FINGERS BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO PRESS THE TRIGGER AND YOU CAN'T FUCKING FIGHT ANY MORE BECAUSE ALL YOUR ARTERIES, YOUR CAPILLARIES, THEY'RE SHREDDED AND PARCHED AND THE ONCE OXYGENATED BLOOD IS SWISHING ABOUT IN YOUR BODY, YOU'RE DROWNING IN YOUR OWN BLOOD, AND YOUR RIGHT VENTRICLE HAS COLLAPSED AND YOUR MUSCLES ARE SHUTTING DOWN, SYSTEM FAILURE. BUT KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, SHOULDERS BACK, AND PULL THAT GODDAMN TRIGGER, SOLDIER, YOUR FAMILY MISS YOU, SO PULL THAT GODDAMN TRIGGER, EVEN IF SOME OF YOUR TENDONS SNAP AND YOUR SKIN TEARS KEEP FUCKING FIGHTING, TO THE LAST TOOTH AND THE LAST PUMP OF YOUR RIPPED UP HEART AND THE LAST SHALLOW RISE AND FALL OF YOUR CHEST, YOU HAVE TO KEEP FIGHTING, SOLDIER, YOU'RE THE BRAVEST COWARD ANYONE KNOWS, SO YOU CAN FUCKING DO IT. THIS IS A COWARD'S WAR, BUT THERE'S ONLY ONE MORE DAY, ONE MORE WEEK, ONE MORE MONTH, ONE MORE YEAR OF FIGHTING. YOU CAN DO IT, BECAUSE YOU ARE NEEDED, BECAUSE THIS IS A BATTLE YOU CAN'T LOSE.