Heart-Less

Chapter 1

Dear Headwizard Pendragon,

Oddly enough, the reason why I decided to put my heart in a box wasn't because of a failed relationship or anything like that. It was because of my friends.

Or should I say, the sudden lack of them. I was a spoilt child in Kaiguo. That was the natural result of being strange enough that everyone assumed I would be the first to achieve virality. Even though I never achieved that, my friends still indulged me. You picking me to be the first transfer student just gave them more cause for hope.

I was a fool to think that Kaiguo would be the same. You're a stranger here too, so you might understand what it's like. The structure, the hierarchy, the tradition. I wanted to mix and create, but no creation was allowed until I learnt the rules.

But it was more than just the society against my Kaiguo instincts. The feeling of being an outsider was getting unbearable, and it was starting to interfere with my studies.

I am not an empathetic person. I do not think that I missed anything by undergoing the heartless procedure. I say this after taking an unemotional look at the before and after of my life, as you instructed.

Before:

I felt as though I didn't fit in, and I felt as though I was losing my friends back home. Once it was clear that I couldn't help them achieve virality (and to think I tortured myself thinking it was something I did or said - my emotions made me believe that), they stopped talking to me. What's the use of a friend who cannot help you in your videos or feed you juicy information? You don't know how many times I cursed your rules in those days.

Out of all my 'friends', only Nic stayed around. I tell her everything, except for the fact that I've undergone this procedure. You may not think it logical, but if I wish to be accepted when I go home, I cannot be found to have taken so drastic a step. After all, when a Kaiguo girl is stripped of her emotions, there is nothing that differentiates her from a Sakoku girl. In order to protect my future, I pretended to be sick, and I trust you will keep your promise and stop all news from leaking out.

After:

I behave the same as always. No one knows what's going on, not even Amiko, and she prides herself on her lack of emotions making her more observant. A dispassionate observer, as she once boasted to me. I used to think she was cool, but now I see that she's just a silly little girl who likes to play at games. I'm not being bitter, that's an emotion and you took those out. The scales have just fallen from my eyes. With my new, clear sight, I am getting better at 'learning the rules', as you put it, and things are finally getting interesting.

It's a pity how life gets better only when you don't have the heart to enjoy it. However, I have to admit that the colours, smells and sounds that I experience at the end of each day can be quite delightful. It was a touch of genius on your part to put that in.

And now, as to the check-up you requested. It has been one month after the removal of my heart, and to avoid contamination, I haven't taken it out of the box. I have kept it in a cedar waterproof box, and I am looking at it as I write this. The preservation liquids are still clear, and the heart itself doesn't show any signs of an infection.

The only thing is that my emotions make it hard to write with a steady hand. Sitting so close to the heart, everything that I feel is rushing around in my head, exploding in bursts of pink and grey and orange, a clash of music playing in my ears. It doesn't disappear until after I leave my apartment. I see why you opted to keep your box in a lead-lined box. When I have enough money saved up, I shall switch to one. I will write to reserve one when the time comes.

And like you, I will not tell anyone, including you, where I'm hiding my heart. It's in my box, and the only one with the key is me.

Sincerely,

Ada Lim

Year 3, Faculty of Magical Sciences, Two Year Transfer Student.

*******

To: Headwizard Pendragon

From: Amiko Nigai, Year 4, Faculty of Administration of Magic

Re: 1 Year Update

Part 1: Update on the Physical Condition of the Heart

The heart is fine. When resting or otherwise not engaged in emotional strenuous activity, it has a colour that approximates #6E1B2E, with the fatty areas a colour similar to that of #FF9292. While on my arm, it has remained flat, and the sound of my heart beating has died down considerably, being audible only in the still of the night. It has not been inflating to its full size during the night, while it recharges in the tank of nutrients, but I assume that is because I have not left it in the tank long enough. My responsibilities have left me with less and less time to sleep. Please inform me if there is a minimum number of hours that it must be unbound for.

Part 2: Update on the Emotional Activity of the Heart

My heart has had slightly more activity than normal these past few weeks. It used to flash once or twice a day, but in the past few weeks, it's been flashing multiple times an hour. I have noticed that my heart flashes negative colours most often when I am around the foreign student, but thanks to the heartless procedure, I am able to hide that fact from her. She has not the intelligence nor perception to realise my true nature, and nothing in my face or voice will let her know what my heart thinks about her. As far as she knows, this is a mere trinket that I wear as a fashion accessory. If I had emotions, I might have felt something like thankfulness for her self-absorption. But my heart has not reacted to that thought, so it must not be so.

As far as I know, the increased emotional activity has not affected my ability to perform my duties. My grades have not declined and I have been able to carry out all of my duties. In fact, with the early submission of my graduation thesis I now have more time on my hands than ever. While this is highly irregular, I would like to offer my time for any activity you may be planning. I am looking for opportunities to put what I have learnt into practice for the benefit of this academy. If possible, I would like a role that could lead to a job on par with the top male graduates of this academy.

You have my permission to reveal my heartless condition if my future employers are worried my gender will affect my performance.

Part 3: Questions and Conclusion

Would it be possible to further reduce the effects of the heart on the head without increasing the distance? It is convenient for me to be able to monitor my feelings, but with the increased level of emotional activity, my head is starting to get overwhelmed. I have been able to cope with it thus far, but I would be able to function more effectively if the effects are reduced by forty to fifty percent.

In conclusion, my heart seems to be working acceptably. Through this one year, there have been no health problems, and the initial increase in productivity that occurred after the procedure has been sustained. I would like to offer my gratitude to you for allowing me to undergo this procedure.

=== This Report Ends Here===

And here ends the first chapter. Don't worry, it's not an epistolary novel, I'm not that good yet. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, and if you did, you know what to do :D And I love feedback, so please don't hold back. (By the way, I never know what genre my stories are, so if you think you know, please tell me)