Unconditional Love

Loss

Jacob's hurt was beginning to mend, it no longer cut through him when she would walk past and ignore his presence, it didn't break him when he would see Connie laugh and know that it wasn't him that could make her smile like that. But those days, the days when Connie looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders and when he could see the pain in her eyes, he could not help the tear in his heart.

Today was one of those days. He had no idea what it was, but something wasn't right. She was quiet, not like her usual self. She didn't scold the staff when they did something wrong and she seemed to be so wrapped up in her own world that the goings on of the ED didn't appear to cross her mind. She'd spent most of the day in her office and walked out occasionally to watch over Cal and Lily in resus.

It was nearing the end of the shift and she was back to observing Cal as he performed a slightly risky procedure. He had done well and Connie was about to leave when she saw a girl - young, brunette, bloody, unconscious being pushed through the ED. She stood still in shock, her eyes widened and then watered as she screamed a shattering "Grace!" Zoe tried to move Connie away from resus but she paid no attention and watched her only child fight for her life. 5 years as a medical student, 15 years as a cardiothoracic surgeon, 2 years as an ED consultant and yet here, in this moment, there was nothing she could do to help save her daughter.

Grace was critical. Zoe had stepped in to help as she deteriorated and Connie called out different orders in between her cries. Jacob had walked in after hearing Connie's scream and held her in a comforting embrace. She clung to him.

Grace had arrested. They immediately charged the defibrillators and attempted to resuscitate the young girl. Jacob could feel how each shock seared Connie as she tightened her grip and tensed after she heard each "Clear." He was the only thing holding her up. He had never seen her so broken and while he whispered soothing words, it took every ounce of strength he possessed to refrain himself from tearing up, to stay strong for her.

Connie looked up as Zoe didn't order the nurse to charge it again. She met Connie's eyes and shook her head lightly.

"No! Charge again!"

The nurse didn't move.

"Nurse Miller charge again!"

Robyn looked to Zoe who had her hand pressed against her forehead. She wanted nothing more than to bring Grace back but it was near impossible.

"Charge it again. Just one more time, Zoe." Jacob looked at Zoe in despair, silently begging her to keep going.

Zoe sighed, unsure of her decision, and she instructed Robyn to finally pursue Connie's command. "One more, Jacob."

Time seemed to stand still and Connie watched in agony, as they tried once more to save her baby girl. She held a sharp breath and every muscle in her body contracted as she prayed for Grace's survival. The moment seemed a thousand hours long and yet passed so quickly.

No pulse was found.

Connie's heart throbbed fiercely and she collapsed to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, unable to even begin to cope with the scene she had just witnessed. Jacob knelt down to console her but she turned away and her tears streamed as she cried out in pain. The staff watched her silently, each finding it unbearable to see Connie go through such a loss.

Her mourning was the only sound in an otherwise silent room, yet only Jacob heard the machine's call. He looked up in disbelief.

"Zoe she's back! Grace! She's back, Zoe!"

Zoe turned immediately to the monitoring screen and saw the pattern representing Grace's faint heartbeat. She listed off a number of orders and Connie sat in shock. Emotions ran through her dominantly, she had a thousand things to say but no sound escaped. Then, she smiled gently through her tears, looked up with closed eyes and whispered a peaceful "Thank you."