Angel Valhalla

Twenty-Six

I would really appreciate some feedback in the comments section. Also, just to be clear, Lilith is not a lesbian. She was trying to find that connection she lost with Cam in Lacey. She's a very sexual character as shown before and can be attracted to both genders. You all rock. Thank you for the votes and love!

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The door swung open and behind it Cam stood.

My breath hitched, he had been real. If I reached for him, I could touch him. He wasn't someone I made up. It felt so strange looking at him after such a long time of blocking his face from my mind that now looking at him made me uneasy, like I knew I shouldn't look at him.

He was dressed in his usual uniform which consisted of a crisp button up  light baby blue shirt, a dark blue vest, dark blue suit and tie. A royal blue handkerchief peeped from his breast pocket. I looked at everything but his eyes. I knew that if I did so, my entire self would unravel right before his very own eyes.

"Hi Cam." I said in a motionless blue voice.

"Look at me when you speak." He said nonchalantly and just like that my gaze was pulled up and I met his eyes. I don't know why I did it, my body just followed his words and I lost myself. I could see the stars, thew sun and the moon in his eyes.  And just as quickly as I looked at him, I looked away, because even though  I saw my very own heaven in those ocean eyes, I could see dark depths as well and that terrified me. I feared loosing myself in the deep.

I fought back the pulsating feeling in my chest. Those blue eyes dared to drown me in them, and I had to fight it off. That feeling of losing myself in him, his beauty, his smell, his voice, him.

"Do you want to come inside?" He asked, and stepped aside as if to let me in.

I shook my head,"No, I just came to tell you something-won't take long."

His brow furrowed, anticipating forming around us.

"Okay...and that is?" He finally asked.

I took a deep breath and settled my gaze on him, standing courageously in front of him with boldness. I could feel the uneasiness all the way to the very tip of my own fingers as I opened my mouth to speak.

"I know I told you we were over but it didn't feel like a proper goodbye. And that's what I need, closure-so that I can move one... I-I can't do this anymore. Going on pretending that this never happened and feeling this way...so I came to say goodbye. For sure this time-"  The words rolled off my tongue as I continued, but he would never let me finish. He cut me off.

"That's ridiculous, don't say that." He ran a hand through his hair, "I know that you told me you didn't want to see me, but I figured that was because of what happened to Nate, so I backed off and gave you some time to deal with it. Lilith, listen to me,  I have no intentions of letting you go. I want to be with you Lilith, and you want to be with me too. Don't lie. I'm willing to wait how ever long it takes for you to come to peace with what happened with Nate. I'll wait until you're ready, till his death doesn't hunt us anymore. So don't say this is the end, because it's not."

I looked at him wide eyed. His voice had been so calm and yet I had felt every pent up emotion with every word he had said.

Fuck. I was crying. I realized this when I felt the wetness on my cheeks soak into my pores. My eyes felt puffy and red. I hated it.

'No..." I cried, "I can't do this. I don't want anyone else to get hurt. I'm not part of the world you live in. I'm a normal girl, with a normal life. I can't risk getting hurt like this again. When I met you, everything changed. Nate died, his dad too. Molly almost died too and now she's being held in hospital. You told me I seemed like a lonely girl once, you were right. My parents have never been there for me so I relied on my friends. They were my family. I grew up with them. When you showed up in my life, that was taken from me. I want it back. I want them back. And you're right, I do want to be with you. Its a weird feeling I can't describe. It's not like I want to be with you, more like I need to be with you. Like my body, soul and mind crave it. And I can't help it, but at the same time being with you reminds me of them and what was taken from me. And I'm afraid of losing more people. More of my normality to you. And becoming like you. Becoming part of the underworld you live in. Im eighteen, I go to high school. I'm a normal girl. You're not. So I came here to say goodbye. Because I need to forget you Cam, no matter how much it hurts." The words were spilling out of me like an open dam. Everything I had kept inside of me, every feeling thought and emotion had built up and now it was letting loose. Words I thought I could have never strung together were leaving my mouth, and suddenly like that all my fears were coming out. I was panting heavily and crying too. It had began to rain, and the rain had completely drenched me. My hair clung to my face, and dripped wet. My tears muddled in with the rain.

I looked at Cam and realized I had hurt him. I don't know how I knew, I just did. It was in his eyes. I had broken them.

"Lilith..." He whispered as he stepped forward into the rain. The rain demolished his perfectly combed black hair and it draped over his eyes like a dark curtain. He raised both his arms and slicked his hair back, and away from his face.  That's when I broke. When I saw the sadness all over his face. The glossiness  in his eyes shattered and his forehead creased. His red, full bottom lip wavered."Don't do this, please. Don't give your heart away to some one else-give us time to see what we could be. I know you're hurting right now, but I can change that. I'll give you the family you want. I've never met anyone else like you, and I don't know what makes you so special from the other women, but for some reason I don't want to let you go. Plea-"

"Stop it! Stop saying those things! We can't happen. Don't you get it? We're too different. By doing this, I'm saving us a lot of pain!" I was now screaming the words against the rapid, violent rain with my eyes closed shut. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't. This was a nightmare. I never wanted to hurt someone like this, to lose him. But I had to let go. Countless times I had ignored the warning signs before with boys. I knew it would end bad, and in the end I ended up getting hurt because I let it happen. But this was different. Cam wasn't some random boy, Cam was Cam. And I was Lilith. And Cam and Lilith couldn't be together because if we ignored the warning sings we could get hurt really bad, and my heart would not be able to take it.

"Goodbye Cam." I turned around and walked away.

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