Destiel Imagines

17. angel scars (trigger warning)

sequel to 'nightmares', by popular request ^.^

warning: cutting.

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It'd been days since Cas's last nightmare, and Dean was beginning to hope that things would be okay. Cas seemed to be improving; he smiled more, and when he slept in Dean's arms, he didn't shake as much. Dean and Sam were both careful around him and very supportive of his bad times, but those dark spots were becoming less and less frequent. Cas seemed to be healing.

Dean got back from a hunt to find Sam away at the store. He walked in and set down his stuff, humming under his breath and looking around for Cas. The angel was nowhere in sight.

It was then that Dean heard the sound of muffled crying.

"Cas?" Dean immediately became alert. "Cas!" Dean bolted, frantically searching for his angel, rushing up and down the halls. "Cas, are you okay? Where are you?"

He found the source of the sounds behind a bathroom door. He tried the handle. Locked. "Cas, are you in here? What's wrong?"

Cas was sobbing. "D-Dean...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." He cried out, his voice choked by tears.

"What do you mean...? Cas!" Dean pounded on the door. "Cas, whatever you're doing, stop! You're okay, baby, it's gonna be okay. Cas, please let me in!"

Cas continued to cry. "Everything I touch dies, Dean. I'm poison. I'm not good for you."

"Don't say that. Don't you dare say that. I fucking love you, Cas. Please open the door, let me help you."

Cas didn't open the door, so Dean kicked it in. Then he froze, staring in horror. Cas stood at the sink, his head bowed as sobs shook his small frame. He held his angel blade, and he was slashing his forearm repeatedly with it. Blood flooded down into the sink, staining Cas's trench coat and dripping onto the floor.

Dean was pale with shock and disbelief. He'd known that Cas was hurting, but it had never gone this far before. "Cas," he choked out, and then found his senses. He grabbed Cas's wrist, pulling the blade away from him. "Cas, stop! You have to stop, please, you're hurting yourself!"

"I deserve to die," Cas sobbed. "I'm worthless. Everything I touch I destroy."

"You're wrong, Cas. I'm here. I'll always be here. I love you, I love you so damn much. Come on, baby, please. Please don't do this. Don't do this to yourself."

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, weeping into the hunter's shoulder. Blood trickled from his wounds down Dean's clothes, but Dean didn't care. The only thing that mattered was Cas.

"Come on, Cas, please. I love you. I love you."

Dean helped Cas out of the room and down the hall, where he gently seated Cas on the couch. "Lay down, okay? I'm gonna patch you up. You'll be alright."

"No, Dean, I won't."

"No, don't say that. I mean it. I'm not going to leave you like this, we can get through this." Dean rushed to grab bandages and hurried back, swiftly sitting down next to his angel and wiping his tears. "Hey, hey, look at me. Shh. It's okay, I'm here now. You're okay."

Cas continued to cry softly as Dean wrapped his arm up, tightly binding the freely bleeding scars. Exhausted from blood loss, he rested his head on Dean's shoulder. Tears streamed down his cheek.

"I can't do this, Dean. I want to die."

"No, Cas, please no. Please don't say that to me. I love you, I can't do this without you."

"I'm not good for you, Dean. I'm poison. I, I shouldn't stay here, I'm a danger to you and Sam. I'm selfish, I'm so fucking selfish."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and held him until the shaking stilled. He kissed Cas's head, breathing in the scent of his dark hair.

"We can do this," he said. "We can get through this. But I need you to try, I need you to stay with me. I love you. I love you Cas."

Cas took a breath. "I love you too, Dean."

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