Offsprings

Forth Year

"Mama , why do we always come Here ?"

I knew I was going to have to tell him eventually , but I wanted to wait a little longer .

"Because , we come to visit , someone mommy really cares about ." I say vaguely

"What about these flowers ? And how come you always set them on the ground , cry a little , talk , smile , cry some more , then we leave and why couldn't harper come ? Why just us two ?"

Langston is really observative , always observing his surroundings and trying to figure things out .

"Baby , harper couldn't come , but you will see her real soon , as soon as we get back okay ? And the flowers are for the person mommy cares about ."

"Well , they never come and get them , thats mean , we waste our money , to give it to them , and they just leave it on the ground . Mommy after this we need to stop spending money on this mean person , every time we come , those same flowers are on the ground , and they be died ."

"Lanny , its dead not died , and they do get them , and they think they are lovely , its not a waste of money ." I say as I get him out of his booster seat

"Thanks mama , and see mommy those same flowers are still there ! They are shellfish , they just let them dead ."

"Lan , its selfish not shellfish and they died not dead , well they are dead but ugh , never mind ." I say as we walk up to the grave stone

Here Lays beloved , Little Landon
or
London .

Boy Or Girl ,
Mommy wouldn't mind .

'You Would be here ,
If heave wasn't so far away .'

I repeat the last part in my head , my very first little wolf .

Its not heavens fault that they are there right now , it mine .

I couldn't even hold the tears in as I removed , the now dead flowers from my unborn baby's grave .

"Mommy what's this" Langston runs his hand over the grave stone

'Tell pup , he will understand'

"Thats a grave stone , where people who are no longer here , are . this is where there body goes to rest ."

His face contorts in a confused expression "who's resting here ? , when are they waking up ? I wanna play ?"

I wanna play with them too Lan...

"Langston honey , you know mommy loves you right ?" He nods his little head still looking confused

"I love mommy too . "

"Lan , mommy used to have another little baby before you , but the baby wasn't as big as you . "

"What do mean mamma , you used to have another baby ?" He ask

"I mean ... Lanny you were going to have an older brother or sister , but things went wrong , and they are no longer here ." I say as best as I can

"Oh." Is all he said before sitting down , and staring at it .

It was silent for a moment before , Lan started talking again , " I know your no longer here , but it would have been great to have an older brother , or even a older sister ."

I swallow back a sob , as I watch my baby talk to my other baby .

"But thats okay , we all have to go home one day . your time was just earlier than some . and I hope you don't mind we only come once a year , and that I didnt know who you are until now . "

My tears are freely falling now .

"But mama loves you , and she never forgets you , we have to go now tho . sorry , but mama has to go to work , and us talking can't make her late ."

He says getting up "we'll come visit again though , soon , we love you bye ." he kisses the grave stone the takes the dead flowers from the stone and replaces them with the new ones .

"Tell them you love the mommy , we can't have you running late now can we ?"

Oh , I gotta love my boy .

"Mommy loves you first wolf , and I really hope where ever you are , you forgive me ." I say then kiss the grave stone like Lan did and then walk to Langston , grab his hand and walk to the car with him .