i know it's me that's supposed to love you // m.h.

// J U S T G E T I N T H E S H O W E R //

"That picture of your bump is amazing. It's all so fascinating." Matty gushed over the phone. He wasn't able to make it to my appointment this last month, so I sent him some photos. "Okay but we have to talk. I don't want to find out the gender, personally. But if you want, we can?" I asked. "Well... I do want to know. But, I also don't. Let's just wait." He finally decided. "Alright well that was easier than I expected. Are you coming out here soon?" I asked, spinning in my desk chair. "I don't know Jasper. I'm trying my best but we're so busy with touring right now." He sighed. "I know, I just don't want you to regret missing something, you know?" "Yeah... I'll see what I can do. We'll talk soon." "Alright, bye Matty." I sighed.

"How's everything?" Alexa asked, coming over to my desk. I must've looked upset or something because I rarely get checked in on. "Uh... okay, kind of complicated." I sighed, rubbing my temples. "Do you want the rest of today off?" She asked. I shook my head no. "I just need a second, I'm going to go get something to eat and I'll be back in like 30, okay?" I asked, standing up. Alexa nodded and I walked off.

I took the elevator to the top floor of the building and made my way to the roof. After propping open, I walked over and looked over the city. I just sighed. Everything I had worked so hard for, I achieved. And now, I felt like I was just stuck in a situation I didn't think would ever happen to me. There wasn't anything I could do now, it was time to grow up and be an adult about it. I straightened up my blouse and went back down stairs. "Sorry Alexa, I'm fine now." I smiled, sitting back and my desk.

The rest of work went average but I was consistently uncomfortable. It was time for me to go get maternity clothes. I sent Lily a quick text asking her to come with. Grabbing my purse, I headed down to the shops in Seattle. I had been avoiding this for so long. "Are you so excited!?" Lily giggled, rushing towards me. "Ugh, not really." I groaned. She took my hand and pulled me into the maternity store.

First, she started throwing dresses at me. "Lily, I wouldn't wear any of this." I sighed, looking through the pile of flowy, long shirts. "You're going to have to." She giggled, shoving more clothes at me. "Lily, please. I'm 22, not some married woman ready to start my life." I sighed, putting them back. She just looked at me and gave me these sad eyes. "Do you wish it was different?" She asked quietly. I just looked to the ground and nodded. "If I had my way, Matty and I would try to make something work so that we could be a family. But he's Matty Healy and I'm me so that won't happen." I pushed back tears before continuing, "I don't expect him to love me or care about me. But, all I want is for him to love this child."

Lily and I strolled out of the store empty handed. "Let's just try the maternity at Old Navy or something." I sighed. Lily grinned and flung open the door. This was the best day of her life. "Look at all this cute stuff!" She gushed. "Okay so here are my rules. Nothing that ages me and make me look as attractive as possible." I giggled. We ended up with a few armfuls of clothes. A few maxi dresses, some jeans and blouses. But my favorite was this black bodycon dress with a cutout in the back.

Back at my apartment, I started cutting off tags and washing my new clothes. "I got you something." Lily smiled with a bag behind her back. "Lil. You didn't have to." I sighed. She was such a sweet soul. "Just take it—you needed this anyways." She handed me the bag. Inside was a brand new, black biker leather jacket. "Babe!" I squealed throwing my arms around her. "You needed a new one, your other one was peeling it was so worn." She laughed. "You're the best." I giggled, breaking our hug.

Being almost four months pregnant now was starting to catch up to me. I wasn't so nauseous all the time but I was always tired. It was finally starting to be enjoyable. People were noticing that I was pregnant—not just getting fat for fun—and being sweet to me. The belly touches were a little weird but I was getting used to it. And, the little sprout in me was behaving for the most part. "Who will you be like? Your sweet, kind, innocent, perfect mother? Or your wild, talented, stubborn, handsome father?" I whispered, rubbing my stomach. "I feel so crazy talking to you but I'm basically alone all the time. So it's just going to be you and I." I sighed. "You and I against the world." I whispered. "Now, I know you can't hear anything yet but I read that if I listen to music that helps me relax, it'll help you relax. So we're going to listen to your dad, okay?" I explained while turning on my record player. I couldn't help but think about what would happen after the baby arrived. Would I be traveling too much to visit Matty? Or would he be traveling to me? And how often? What about my job? I just tried to shake the thoughts from my head. It wasn't helping me relax.

I must've fallen asleep because I was rudely awoken by phone ringing. It was Matty. "What do you want?" I yawned. I glanced at the clock, 3am. "Yooouu better not be lyinnnng to me." His words were so slurred. "Matty, it's 3am and you are so drunk. I'll talk to you later." I sighed, I was too tired for this. "No no no no no no. You're going to tell me riiiiiight now that you're reeeeally pregnant and that you aren't trying to trap me for my money or something." I just sat there shocked. "Is that what you really think, Matty." I said sternly. "Well I don't know I just... it's weird man." He continued. "You've seen the pictures of the baby. You know it's real. And, I am doing everything I can so that this baby doesn't affect you or your life." I snapped back. "Well you better try harder. I don't want this. I can't do it. Jass. Jassper?" He continued. "Don't you dare. We'll talk later." I said, slamming the phone down.

I walked to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. These were the kind of nights that I missed wine. Matty's words still stung and buzzed around my head. I knew he was drunk but the truth usually comes out then. I sighed as I saw my phone light up again. Now what could he want? "Matty I'm not doing this right now." I spat, "I'm not arguing with you about something you did to me!" I leaned up against the counter, waiting to hear his argument. "Uh... well. This is awkward. This is George. I was just calling because Matty is belligerent right now, and 'Jasper' is the only name he keeps saying." There was a long pause, "I guess... I'll just let him call you later?" I ran my fingers through my hair.

"He hasn't told you about me?"

"No... should he have?" George sounded even more confused.

"No... I mean, I assumed he would've given the circumstances. But just tell him to call me in the morning."

"Alright, bye."

"Yeah bye."

I set my cup in the sink and made my way back to bed. This isn't how I wanted to go back to sleep. Matty's words were still in my mind. Why wouldn't he have told me if he was so unhappy with my choice? And why make such an effort to be involved? I curled up in my blankets and closed my eyes. Maybe when I woke up, it'd all be better.

And when I woke up, I felt just as bad. I forced myself to shower, eat something and get dressed. I wanted to work from home but I knew Alexa needed me to be in the office. I grabbed my purse and headed out the door.

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Sorry this chapter is so short. Next will be much much longer.

I know the plot is moving slow, but I want to build the relationship between Matty & Jasper before I move into the dramatic parts. So just bare with me. I'm actually almost done writing the story so I know. Just trust me babes xx