i know it's me that's supposed to love you // m.h.

// S O F T S O U N D //

The plane ride was smooth. Long, but smooth. I slept most of the way while Matty looked out the window lost in deep thought. Every once in a while I'd catch him glance at me and then write something in his phone.

"Nervous?"

"Absolutely. I'm not good at meeting new people."

"You'll be fine, Jasper. Maybe you'll like it here."

"What are you saying?"

"Well—I thought maybe since your family at home isn't the best..."

"Matty. What are you wanting from me?"

I couldn't put up with this back and forth with him. I wasn't in love with him, but I wanted to be. Not because of who he was. I was over the fan girl stage of knowing him. I wanted love him because we were going to be a family. And I didn't know how to raise a kid—especially by myself.

"Jasper?"

"Sorry... what?"

"Jasper. I want you to be happy. I'm just looking out for you. I mean, you could work at a firm here and you could be close to my mom who could help you with the baby. And I'm here..."

"Matty. It's a very kind thought and I appreciate it but we... we aren't together. And, I would only move here—honestly—if I knew my future was here."

"But it is. You'll be here more than you think. Just think about it."

I stopped responding, I wasn't thrilled with him just springing this on me. And I wanted him to know that. We grabbed my luggage and made our way to a car that was waiting for us.

"Aren't you worried about people seeing us together?"

"Not really. I get left alone for the most part. Besides, I can spin it as you're a friend of my mum's that is visiting."

I shrugged, not really fighting it anymore. He grabbed my hand and held it tightly. I just looked out the window in silence as we made our way to Matty's home.

"My mum will be here tomorrow for dinner. I figured you'd need some time to catch up on sleep." I nodded. "Thank you for that. I'm so nervous I probably won't even sleep." I didn't want to be intrusive but I was so intrigued by Matty's interiors. "You can look through whatever you want." Matty laughed, again reading my mind. "How are you so good at knowing what I'm thinking?" I asked, laughing too. "Because I know you."

Matty helped me take my things to a makeshift guest room. I looked at the art on the walls, and some of the books on the shelf. Matty sat my suitcase down by the door. "The shower is down the hall to the left. I'll be downstairs making tea. Want a cup?" I nodded. Hopefully that would help settle my nerves. "I'll come down in a second." Matty gave me a pity smile then shut the door behind him. I slowly opened my suitcase and looked at what Lily had packed. Everything she had picked was perfect. I saw she packed my notebook. It was the one I always wrote in when I had any sort of anxiety. I didn't even know she knew about it.

I made my way downstairs and lingered in the living room. I smiled when I saw the book I gave Matty on his coffee table. "Put this out since I was coming?" I laughed. Matty smiled but shook his head no. "You don't realize how fascinated by this stuff." He handed me my cup and I took it gratefully. "You feeling okay?" He asked, sitting down. I sighed, "I don't really know. It's a lot to take in. Normally, I need a couple of days to prepare for stuff like this. Especially since I can't take any of my anxiety medications when I need them." That caused Matty to raise an eyebrow and look at my suspiciously. "All I have is Zoloft if you want any next time you're in Seattle." I laughed, knowing exactly what he wanted.