i know it's me that's supposed to love you // m.h.

// I W A S T H I N K I N G A B O U T L E A V I N G A G A I N //

I looked over my shoulder one last time as Juniper was in Denise's arms. I sighed, relieved to have help for a day but also worried. I quickly scampered after Matty. He looked great, black jeans—as usual—and some vintage shirt. I slipped my leather jacket and put on my ray bans. "Where are we going?" I asked, finally falling to step with him. "Well, I figured I'd give you a quick tour of the shopping stuff, but then I'd take you to some of the best architecture. Since that's your thing." I nodded, following him.

We spent the day talking and actually getting to know each other. You know, like normal people do. We finally stopped for dinner at a small bistro. Matty had pulled his curls back into a ponytail and looked so wise as he pondered over the menu. "This will be fun to deal with tomorrow." He whispered. Confused, I cocked my head at him. He quietly nodded to the left, where I followed until my eyes laid on a few teenage girls trying to sneak pictures. "Sorry." I sighed, looking back at my menu.

Matty set his down and I could feel his eyes burning into me. "What." I snapped, a little bitchier than I anticipated. "Quit saying sorry, for fucks sake, Jasp." I sighed, setting my menu down too. "Look, I already know I'm a burden. I'm trying to find a job so I can move out. I don't want to overstay my welcome." Matty leaned back and sighed. He just shook his head before saying, "What can I do to make you believe you aren't a burden?" Before I could answer, our waitress was back with a glass of wine for me and to take our order.

I could only pick at my salad. Nothing sounded good and Matty sat trying to persuade me that staying with him was a good idea. Honestly, I couldn't care less—my mind was already made up. I just silently thanked the waitress each time she filled up my wine glass.

"Look M-M-Matthew. I'll stay but I won't like it." I slurred as Matty held the door open for me as we left the restaurant. "Yes you will." He laughed, snaking an arm around me to keep my wobbly body from falling.

"Nooo I don't think so. I'm so so unhappy."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just wanna die or something I dunno."

"No you don't, don't say that."

"I'll just think it instead."

"No don't. I don't want you to live in your head. Speak it out loud."

"You don't want hear it though. I'm not trying to be sad."

I could feel his eyes just burning into me. I just sat quietly, grinning as he tried to think of something to say instead.

"Matthew?"

"Yeah, Jasp?"

"Will you kiss me?"

We kissed shamelessly in the back of the taxi all the way home.

----

I woke up in the morning with Matty's naked body wrapped around me. He was breathing heavily, still exhausted from the night before. I carefully lifted his arm from my waist and scooted out of his bed. I had small bits of memory from our night before.

I remember returning home. Denise was waiting for us as our sweet baby girl slept peacefully. After she left, we returned to how we were in the taxi.

Matty's hands burned my skin each time he touched me. His lips on my skin caused me to tremble. His chocolate eyes turning my blue eyes into the puddles they resembled. Our bodies were tangled together. Our lanky limbs somehow moving gracefully as we couldn't keep our hands off each other. It was been a long time coming and Matty made me feel like a wildfire: hot, raging and completely out of control.

I  shook the memories from my mind and tiptoed to my room, throwing all the necessities I needed into a bag, along with majority of my clothes. I snuck into Juniper's room and quietly did the same—thankfully she was a heavy sleeper just like her father.

I quietly set our bags down by the front door as I went back upstairs for Juniper. Cradling her, I went back down stairs where I called for an uber. I scribbled a note for Matty while I waited.

I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore. I will be back—I promise. I will not let Juniper forget who you are and who she truly is. I am so sorry, truly. Thank you for everything and I wish I had been enough.

With that, my phone buzzed as my ride arrived. I opened the door slowly, pulling the bags with me. My driver noticed that my hands were full and came to assist. "One moment... I forgot something." I said, turning back to the house.

I set my house key next to my note. I held Juniper a little tighter and a small, unexpected whisper left my mouth: "I love you so much."

I turned my back and closed the door. For good.