The Star In Our Hands(lesbian story)[#Wattys2016]

Chapter 11

That strong person I knew wasn't strong anymore.She had broken and now I could hear her crying with gulps.

I was desperate,I couldn't stand hearing her cry,it was my sensitive point.I started crying more as well but I wanted to say something.I didn't know what,just something.However the words wouldn't come out of my mouth so I kept on watching the tears falling on my blanket silently.

"Please...don't cry..." I finally managed to say.

"I'm in pain,Ashley Taylor."she answered faintly.

"Wait,did you self harm again?"

"It's not physical pain.It's mental.I'm so in love with you but I can't stand it anymore.Being your sister feels right but being your girlfriend feels perfect.I was happy with the 'right' though,until you came and made this right wrong.I want to live a life that feels right and not a life without you,you know.So every time I fight with you my world corrupts and I realize I can't live without you.You can call me a junkie,an addict.But yes,I'm very addicted to your drug,I'm sorry."

These words made me feel like the most guilty person in the world.I could have caused her death,she was self harming because of me.And now I was playing with her feelings,even though I knew she was vulnerable.I was a failure.I kept telling myself until Viv stopped me.

"You're not a failure.It's not your fault that you can't fall in love with me.But your fault is that you're not giving me the chance to get my drug,at least the weaker one.You're killing me from the inside to the outside,slowly and painfully.I know you want me to be your friend too,don't mess up with our friendship.If you didn't want me to be with you,you wouldn't have waited for sixteen years."she said between her tears,with short pauses.

"I don't want you to be my sister." I replied.

"What?" she shouted more than expected.

"I NEED you to be my sister." I laughed.

"You scared me,silly!"

"I'm sorry,that's me."

"No shit Sherlock!" she laughed and cried at the same time.

"I want to visit you now."

"But it's dangerous babygirl."

"Whaaat?Did you just call me babygirl?" I said in surprise.

"But I'm known worldwide as Viv the flirt." she left an evil laugh.

"Okay,flirt,I don't care,I will leave a note to my parents,take the car and come to you."

"No,you won't,seriously,it's dangerous."she became serious this time.

"Okay,just tell me you don't want me there."

"I'm telling you I don't want you dead instead."

"Fine." I was a little angry.

"I'll come there,early in the morning,is that okay?I'll just climb up your window,don't lock it."

"Alright!I'll be waiting for you,but for now,I'm just going to sleep."

"Me too,silly poop."

"How fluttering from your side Viv."

"I know,I'm great."

"Yes,you are"I laughed."Goodnight my sister."

"Goodnight." she whispered and hung up.

I turned to the other of the bed to leave my phone on the small table next to it but then I noticed a paper I didn't remember putting there.I took it in my hands and it looked like an invitation.I opened the file and started reading.

~To Ashley Taylor

Well,if you are reading this it means that your mum left it on your table so you noticed it and decided to see what it is because you didn't remember putting it there.If I got it right you owe me a free coffee.So I'm throwing a party next Saturday,I know it's too early but I want to make sure you come so I'm inviting you to my house at eight in the afternoon,don't be late.I'll see you at school anyway.

With love,the girl you love most.
Angel.

I have to admit that this increased the adrenaline levels in me.Firstly,that meant that she had forgiven me and secondly I had been given the chance to get closer to her.

I left it where it was before and happily covered myself with the blankets.I fell asleep dreaming of the party and what could happen there.

Next morning,I was sleeping like a happy bird when I felt a touch and someone moving next to me.

I instantly opened my eyes terrified as I had forgotten that Viv was coming.She was too close to me,uncomfortably close if I have to point out.I was feeling her warm breath on my neck while she was hugging me from the back and moving her fingers through my hair softly.

It was feeling good to have her next to me but the fact that she might be imagining me naked now was terrifying me a lot.I couldn't feel like this for my best friend!Especially because she's a girl.

I can't deny it,she was irresistible,her body,her face,her character,but not for me.I liked men and those feelings for Angel were definitely something new but it would go away.At least I as was trying to convince myself.