I'm sick and tired of being so fucking sad all the time. it's pathetic. I always seem to be so sad or so emotionally unstable and I'm just so done with all of that bullshit. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to have anxiety attacks at the checkout line in Dillon's. no. I don't want that. I don't want people to feel sorry for me either. I don't want to feel sad anymore. I'm just done. I want to be happy. I'm trying so damn hard to be happy. not the kind, where you put on that fake smile around your grandparents. no. I'm talking about on a school night when it's 3am, and you're having a mental breakdown for something so little and insignificant. I'm talking about the kind where you are just simply reading a book and listening to some music, and you are happy just because. I want that. I used to have that. a long time ago. I used to be happy for no reason. I used to come home from school and do my times tables, color a picture, and go outside to play with my dog. I was happy with the most simple things. now I am craving the feeling of self worth and happiness once again. it's been too long. it's been way too long since I've truly and wholeheartedly been happy for more than an hour. I want it so bad. I don't know how to be happy. I feel like the more I age, the harder it is to stay happy and keep my spirits high. I need help. I need help because I can't do this anymore. I'm done with being sad and so emotional. I need help because I am completely hopeless.
