Levi x Reader | Adorable Together

Chapter 18

"Let me take a picture of you." Levi suggested. We were still out in the woods , taking different pictures. I always wanted someone to take a picture of me sitting on a branch of a tree.

"Oh! I have an idea." I exclaimed , rushing towards the nearest tree I could find. Dad made a ladder , on this tree. Well kinda. I hope it's still okay. I climbed the tree using the ladder and sat on the branch.

I laughed at Levi , seeing him below.

"Oi! You might fall!" Levi shouted , looking up to me. He rolled his eyes , and took a picture of me as I gazed at the view. My legs were intertwined with each other and my hands rested on each side.

As soon as Levi finished the picture , I attempted to go down the ladder , but one of the wooden pieces broke in two and I was falling , again. Everything didn't go in slow motion. It went ZOOM. So then again , I had to grab on something. I grabbed on one of the branches but it didn't hang on too long and it's branches wounded me in the arm. I let out a shriek. I hear Levi screaming my name. Falling didn't necessarily mean flying. I expected a great impact of falling to the ground , and it came. I fell on Levi hard on the ground , in his attempt to catch me.

"Dammit (L/n)! Why do you have to be so clumsy ?!" Levi growled at me , holding me so tight, I couldn't say anything. Hey , don't blame me. Blame the ladder that hasn't been used in nearly 10 years.

"Levi , you're so pale." I say calmly as I caressed his cheek.

Levi's eyes swelled , and I was taken aback. I wasn't gonna die falling from a tree , just severly injured. I told him it was okay and that I was alright. My arm did hurt though. "You don't have to make such a big deal out of this-"

"Do you think this was easy for me?! You almost died two weeks ago - because of me! Look at what happened with Naki- (Y/n) she had a fucking knife! Of course I have to make a big deal out of this - from now on everytime you start doing something like this - I keep thinking you're gonna die! And when it happens I'll keep thinking it's my fault - that you'll be gone , and they'll take you away from me too - not again."

My face was stoned from his sudden outburst. He was shouting and he tried so hard not to cry. He was breathing heavily , and I on the other hand felt like I wasn't breathing any more. He was right. If I left him alone - he would be devastated. He lost his two bestfriends and never even got to go to their funerals - and if I was gone too , what would happen to Levi?

"L-Levi I'm sorry. I-I'll be more careful next time.."I say , embarrassed that I was perfectly fine with me falling to my death, er, maybe not death. Levi covered his eyes with his hand.

"Let's just go back." Levi says harshly. He really seemed disappointed in me , knowing that I didn't take care of myself very well.

---

After what happened , Levi and I didn't really seem to communicate well. He was now sitting on the table , with his hands intertwined with each other , holding up his chin , as he stares at the blank wooden table. I didn't really know how to deal with him in this situation. What is he really thinking about? From now on , I'll really look after myself , for his sake. Man , the world seems to be really against me , huh? I got so many scratches , Levi's mad at me , I nearly died three times now.

After I bandaged my bleeding arm , I took a seat across Levi. I wanted to apologize for being so , err , well as he describes , 'clumsy'. Ah. How the tables have turned. A few hours ago , I was the one being hot headed. Now it was Levi.

"L-Levi? I said I was sorry-"

"What did you think about when you fell off the building ? What were you thinking? That it was okay to leave me?" Levi says , still looking down at the ground. I was flooded by his questions.

I flinched. "- I held on didn't I? What are you on about?"

"You were hesitating. What. Were. You. Thinking?"

"This sounds stupid. When I fell from the building , everything was slow. It was as if life was giving me a decision to live or to die." I say , and I paused , looking at Levi , still faced on the ground.

"I thought about dying , and if I did , I'd give Naki a chance to be with you , well , again , and make people happy that the annoying (Y/n) won't be around to bother them anymore , and I'd finally get to be with the rest of my family." Levi clenched his fists harder than he has before , still remaining on his position and keeping his mouth completely shut.

"She was on drugs. Why would you pass me over to someone who does drugs?"

"Levi - we didn't know about that in that time! And I hardly even think she was using drugs in that time. She was perfectly fine! About living , well I didn't really have a though of it. I think it was because I wasn't ready to be buried in the ground or be burnt into ashes."

"You think you make people happy by dying? Do you think , I would be happy if you died? Do you think , Jaeger , Mikasa , Armin , Marco , Kirstein , would be happy if you died? Are you out of your mind?! Oi! Listen to me! You're being so fucking selfish right now. Are you even thinking about how that affects other people - I mean look at your sister Francine - didn't she affect you when she die-"

"SHUT UP!" I screamed.

"...See?! You know how it feels when someone you love gets taken away from you! You know it perfectly well! Do you want that pain to spread out to everyone who loves you?! Why would you do that to them?! Why would you do that to me?! (Y/n) - I can't lose you-"

He stopped talking when he raised his head to finally see my face. I didn't let out any whimpers , but my face was all red and I was in the verge of tears. It's not that I was selfish - but the loss of my family took a great impact to my life , and they taken from me as I grew up. I was alone. They're all gone , and they're never coming back. Every day I miss them more and more , and if I didn't hold on to that window pane , I would have been with them. But then there's Levi- he's already had so much pain. Losing his bestfriends then gets cheated on by his ex-girlfriend - and he's not even in good terms with his parents. Those words he just flooded me with , they all went inside my brain and I had to process every word he said and take it to heart , because that's what he wanted me to do right? But my emotion just couldn't hold it together , so I had to break down.

"LEVI! CAN'T YOU SEE WHY I'M STILL HERE?! I'm alive because of all of you! Everyday , I try so hard to fight the thought of killing myself - but I know I couldn't bear to leave you! But it's tiring , Levi! I'm tired of these thoughts, I'm tired of having to deal with not having my family with me! That day I almost fell off the building - was my only chance be with them again, to finally leave this shithole - but I held on for you! For everyone! For my sister , even if she's gone, it was her wish for me to live my life. And if you think that fall didn't affect me , you're wrong! It's haunting me - the panic attacks- the dreams - the more frequent thoughts - cant you see... it's not easy - you're not the only one struggling here!" I screamed, my voice hoarse , tears falling furiously.

I had to remember what it felt like losing Francine , and mom and dad , because Levi wanted me to know that he would feel the exact same thing if he lost me. I had to re-open the wound Francine left me when I found out she died in a car accident - or watch my Mom and Dad getting murdered behind that closet. This was too painful for me to remember , so everytime I try to get myself together , the tears just kept coming out and I just wanted to forget about this so badly.

I had to sit on that chair , my hands folded together and listen to Levi as he told me how he felt when he saw me fall off that building. But when he stopped , he had the greatest look of guilt in his face. "I didn't mean to-"

"Yes. You did." I whispered , though my voice cracking from my throat burning. I quickly wiped away my tears and stood up and went outside. Levi didn't come to follow.